Lack of Critical thinking skills and Self-reflection – is this normal for a PD?

[Just Kathy]

Based on my experiences with my husband, it appears he struggles with critical thinking and self-reflection. Has anyone else experienced having a PD partner who shows a deficiency in these areas?
Here's what happened two nights ago.
 
While my husband and I were on a walk, he expressed a desire for me to listen to a video, which he promptly played on his phone. The video featured an introduction by the host to a guest author, who had penned a book analyzing the characteristics and behaviors of millennials. Given that both of my husband's children fall into the millennial category, I was hesitant to engage with the content. My apprehension stemmed from a concern that my husband might leverage the insights from the video to rationalize the problematic behaviors of his children. In contrast to my husband's perspective, which may lean towards attributing their actions to generational traits, as explained in the video, my viewpoint is anchored in the belief that the root cause is ineffective parenting. Despite my husband considering himself a competent parent, I respectfully disagree, based on my observations and understanding of our situation.

Right at the beginning, the author's remarks immediately raised concerns for me when that person drew a comparison to a well-known figure infamous for unethical business conduct. The assertion made was that the current generation of millennials falls short of contributing anything of societal worth compared to this controversial individual. Essentially, the author's implication was that millennials are not resorting to questionable tactics to advance in the business realm. Personally, I reserve judgment on this matter, as I haven't delved into the intricacies of the contemporary business landscape nor familiarized myself with its key influencers and their 'real' backstories.

Upon sharing my perspective with my husband, he reacted with frustration, feeling that I had completely misinterpreted the author's message. He explained that the author was actually critiquing millennials for being overly sheltered and passive, contrasting sharply with the assertive and, by implication, unscrupulous behavior of the notorious figure mentioned. According to him, the author's point was to highlight a generational shift towards a lack of the aggressive ambition personified by the individual referenced rather than any endorsement of unethical practices.

I communicated to my husband that the moment the author presented that infamous figure as a benchmark for success in business, I became disenchanted, and consequently, the entirety of her argument failed to resonate with me. This disconnect stemmed from my conviction that 'risk-taking' in business should not be conflated with unethical or dubious practices. Engaging in bold, innovative ventures is possible without resorting to morally questionable methods.

I found that the remainder of the author's message lacked depth and substance, primarily consisting of generalized complaints about the younger generation being overly protected and lacking resilience. The simplicity and broadness of her argument could have provided more meaningful insight or provoked thought to the extent that I've had more engaging discussions while waiting in line at the grocery store. The lack of nuance and specificity in her critique made it difficult for me to take her points seriously or consider them as a basis for understanding the complexities of generational differences.
Despite my reservations, my husband wholeheartedly embraced the author's message regarding her insights as groundbreaking, to the extent, I fear, that he most likely believes she deserves a Nobel Prize in investigative journalism.

Now, I've noticed that my husband along with his children, who I suspect got this trait from him, embrace the latest fads of society.

When I proposed to my husband the idea that if the current generation is indeed perceived as coddled — a point on which I remained neutral due to my lack of personal acquaintance with the entire generation — it could potentially be attributed to parenting styles, he seemed taken aback. I illustrated my point by providing two close-to-home examples: his own children, who, in my view, have been overly sheltered and indulged by both him and his ex-wife.

Lacking detailed insight into the dynamics of the ex-wife's household, I chose to focus my examples on observations within our own home environment. I highlighted specific instances where my husband's actions or inactions led to overprotection, coddling, and excessive catering to his children's needs. By drawing attention to these behaviors, I aimed to demonstrate the tangible outcomes and consequences that have resulted from his parenting approach. This discussion was intended to shed light on the potential link between such parenting styles and the traits observed in his children, offering a perspective on how these behaviors might contribute to the broader patterns and characteristics attributed to the younger generation by the author of the video.

My husband quickly dismissed my argument, countering that the author attributed the younger generation's core issues to societal influences rather than parenting practices. He positioned himself among those he felt were misunderstood parents, implying that the broader societal context, rather than individual parental actions, was responsible for the perceived coddling and softening of the younger generation. This perspective suggests a belief in external factors as the primary drivers of the challenges and characteristics associated with millennials, deflecting attention from the role of parenting in shaping these outcomes.

[square]

That is a discussion that could happen with anybody. Lack of nuance is common, as is all sorts of bias, and all of us are guilty of it to some degree or another.

I would agree that a PD will have a tendency away from nuance (black and white thinking is a common symptom), and emotional reasoning can help protect a Cluster B's ego (bias toward arguments that make them superior, eg my generation is better than your generation, plus ability to deflect blame elsewhere, eg this is society's fault rather than my parenting shortfall).

I'm imagining that you two are frequently baffled by the other

[Just Kathy]

Square,

Initially, his actions left me perplexed, but over time, I've come to analyze and understand his behavioral patterns. Similarly, he has become adept at predicting my reactions. At times, I suspect he behaves in certain ways deliberately, perhaps seeking to provoke a response from me, almost as if testing the waters to see how I will react.

This morning (sigh), he referred to me as 'his old wife'—not 'his old lady,' but specifically 'old wife,' seemingly to gauge my reaction or response. In response, I questioned him about his past, asking if he had ever been bullied or faced confrontations during school. "Did you get beat up in elementary school?" No, he hadn't. "What about in junior high?" Again, no. And in high school? Still no; he claimed he was too clever for that.

I then suggested to him that perhaps he played the role of a little angel at school, but at home, he was likely sassing his mother, much like how he behaves with me now.

He went to work with a smile, believing he won that round. 

[notrightinthehead]

Just Kathy, I enjoyed reading your essay. I visualized a teacher, lecturer, or possibly journalist who can keep her audience amused  with fine irony.

It seems to me that your husband and you enjoy sparring intellectually and this weeks topic are millennials.