Ending therapy

[Justme729]

When did you know it was time to phase out therapy? 

I have been with my therapist for 5 years.  I've worked through massive amounts of trauma.  Emdr is great.  My life narrative.  My confidence in asserting myself has grown.  I'm not the scared little girl anymore.  There really are no goals.  More just keeping on the straight and narrow.  Meanwhile my children have things they need to work on and feel like it is time to shift my focus to them. 

It is very surreal to be confronted with things with my mother and not be phased.  She nearly died last year.  I realized I was completely unaffected.  I had already mourned her loss.  She hasn't been a mother to me in too many years to count. Once I processed through that with my therapist, I really didn't feel trauma impacts anymore.   I drove through places I usually avoided without realizing it and no emotional impacted.  Then I purposely did because it was the quickest route and felt nothing.  I had a dream about the place and felt nothing.  It was just one of those really wild and crazy dreams.  I actually enjoyed the memories of times with my best friend.  No negative or intrusive thoughts.

I have been plagued by trauma for much of my life.  I feel nothing. We decided to switch to biweekly for therapy sessions, but I anticipate by summer we will cut them out completely. 

I hope this doesn't come off as bragging.  It is a celebration that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

[NarcKiddo]

I'm really happy for you.

I've been with my therapist for about a year and a half. There is a long way to go. I can't imagine not having her around but I also don't want to think that I will need/want a therapist forever. So your post is very encouraging.

[Liketheducks]

I've been in therapy for decades, off and on.   Mostly on as I've come Out of the FOG, processed my husband's affair and my youngest brother's suicide.   Honestly, I feel that my childhood makes me default to some pretty unhealthy coping mechanisms and I appreciate having my therapist to run things by, get validation, get a healthier perspective, etc.

That being said, Taylor Tomlinson has a great bit about being in therapy and equating ending that relationship like a noncommittal dating partner.......   I find myself at the end of some sessions thinking, I'll call or text you "maybe"...and then life throws something at me and I'm back in her office.

[Therivercontinueson]

I had therapy one and off for 20 years. My last therapist I had for 11 years of those. She died last year, and it opened up a lot of the attachment trauma we had worked through ironically. However, I have able to use what she taught me to move through it. It didn't feel right going to another therapist to sort out my issues about a therapist, and I felt I had learned enough to go off and practice what I learned in therapy already. I just use this as an example because I too questioned when I should end therapy, even before she died. And what I personally find is that going to therapy I think is about the relationship made there, someone to guide and listen to you, but it is also about tools. Can you bring the support, validation, and understanding outside of the therapy room itself? Can you practice providing it on your own, or does someone still need to hold that space? These are the questions I asked myself. I ended up going back for a bit to deal with other bereavements, just for a pre-determined set of time. I think an on off approach is a good way to grafuate therapy in a way. Congrats on all your progress, it's really a huge, huge success to come through trauma.

[blacksheep7]

I was on therapy on and off for thirty years as well as attending twelve step groups for twenty.

When I came Out of the FOG, I did the healing on my own with the help of this site, reading many books, researching and journaling.

I do not necessarily recommend doing as I did with no T because at times I would have needed one. 
Mine moved away, having new projects.  I tried a new one but it didn't click so I left it at that.

Understanding my upbringing and personality disorders, letting out all the Rage, Shame, Guilt... took me about five years.  I have been nc for seven.

IMO,I think that you/we have a gut instinct or self-awareness by observing our emotions telling us if we need more T or not. Do we get triggered easily?

Reading your post, you have come a long way and your therapist cutting your sessions to bi-weekly is a good indicator.

I agree with Liketheducks that Therapists are always a source to go to when needed.

No, it is not bragging. You did your work!   

[sunshine702]

I have done online BetterHelp and ReAgain therapists off and on now for about 4 years.  It's billed in cycles so I tend to re up or not based around that.

Most have been ok.  Not great but not awful. Mostly it's been SOMEONE/ ANYONE to talk to 1. During the pandemic and 2. During huge relationship blow ups.  Or crazy making encounters with family. 

Honestly you guys are the same thing and better therapeutically (validating,  seeing the patterns,  and offering real advice that works!)

I have huge abandonment fears though so I do have trouble cutting that expensive lifeline.

I have had 6 different people there though - all different.  So I feel I can maybe grab another if 1000 percent needed

[Boat Babe]

Well done on all the hard work and courage it takes to make therapy work for you. Expensive but oh so worth it. I've had about four years of therapy on and off over the decades and have read a ton of self help books and latterly been part of this and another forum. It's all been so, so helpful. I just finished a year of intense Internal Family Systems therapy with a brilliant and compassionate professional and it was so very helpful. I may yet go back to her if stuff comes up but I have better tools and skills these days so maybe I can spend the money on a holiday instead!  Wishing you well as you take the training wheels off your bike!

[Liketheducks]

I think I'm about to end therapy myself.   I'm finding that for me, I actually need a little medication.   When I'm on the appropriate medication, it is a game changer for me.   Aside for major life traumas/events...it gives me the "bandwidth" to experience good and bad days without spirally into a bad place.   I still have all the feelings, but they don't trigger the abandonment wounds in the same way.  I can callout the bad behavior and establish better boundaries when I'm taking it.   NOT saying that everyone needs medication.   But after 20+ years of it....when I also have the boost from the right medication....I can remind myself internally of what my counselor would say in a given situation.   I can validate myself.