One Year Out!!!

[SeaBreeze]

Wow! One year since I left a 24-year marriage to uNPD-stbx. So much has happened since I got in my car that morning with 3 hours of sleep, a bug out bag, my work laptop, a few changes of clothes, a hastily rearranged Air BnB reservation, and just started driving.

No legal proceedings have been filed yet. But I have been VLC, and via text only, about 6 months now. Still random moments of Guilt or Obligation seeping in, but I recognize what's happening and talk myself through the abuse amnesia. I read my older posts here on Out of the FOG. And remember things I have NOT posted here because it's either too specific, or too traumatic, but it's a reminder that I definitely left for a reason!

I just renewed the lease on my apartment for a 2nd year. This is the home I furnished completely from scratch after leaving everything behind with stbx. It has been a cozy, comfortable sanctuary for me and youngest adult DS. When DS took a recent road trip and reported he felt homesick and was glad to come back, I knew this had become "home" to him too. With a 2nd year locked in, we are now starting to decorate more, beyond the functional items and furnishings, to truly make it ours.

I have been at the "new" job 7 months now. I've recently taken on more hours and responsibilities, along with a nice pay raise, so that has been going well!

I've spent the past year reconnecting with adult DD, my secondborn who actually left home first at a young age to escape our dysfunctional home. As well as non-PD or "good enough" FOO from whom I'd been isolated several years. Had all 3 adult kids together for the holidays, for the first time in YEARS, which truly warmed this Mama's heart.

We live in a side-trip town en route to a popular destination, and because of this I've had lunch with a friend I hadn't seen in 15 years, and brunch with a cousin I hadn't seen since high school. I've made some new friends, too, and enjoyed various social outings, dinners, events (including my first opera!) Truly needed after stbx gradually isolated me and dismantled my social life, paired with the fact I admittedly self-isolated as well. With that being said, I still have introverted days where I need to hibernate and spend some quiet time with myself and my thoughts. Sometimes they are good thoughts, sometimes bad, but I'm processing whatever the "monkey mind", as Buddhists call it, is trying to work out. I think I'm starting to find a healthy balance, but it's still a struggle some days.

I posted a few months back that my blood pressure was down. Well, two doctor visits confirmed it's not just down, it's back to NORMAL for the first time in several years! Still dealing with chronic pain and autoimmune flares, but at least I don't have to hear unsupportive comments like "You're sick again??" or "Oh well, I guess this means no sex this week" blah blah etc etc.

I'll admit there are days where I'm just surviving, not necessarily thriving. Then I will have a really good day, or even just a random beautiful moment in the midst of an otherwise difficult day, where I find that calm, gentle peace that eluded me for so long. I'm definitely learning that healing is not a linear process!

Now that I'm out of the chaos, I've objectively remembered certain details and did a deeper dive with research. I've confirmed long-held suspicions that many of stbx's talking points and behaviors are straight out of the darker misogynistic spheres of the Internet. All I can say is thank God I finally got out because it was only going to get worse. I wish I'd listened to my gut (and paid more attention to certain names, symbols, and other dog whistles) to confirm my hunch sooner. But when you're in the middle of the madness and just trying to survive, comprehend, or even recognize abuse, PD, etc, it's hard to sort out the ongoing daily weirdness!!!

Other than that deep dive into the "manosphere" that left me needing a shower and a stiff drink, I'm focusing on myself -- my own issues, healing, health, goals, projects. Legal proceedings will eventually happen, but when they do, I plan to approach them with renewed strength, a clear mind, and all the Tools that I've learned here.

TLDR? (lol). It gets better, y'all. Not perfect, but definitely better. Anyone here who is planning to exit, keep planning, but be ready to just GO if or when things go hot. Thank you, all of you, and God/dess Bless. Here's to the start of year 2 post-PD. ❤️❤️❤️

















 

[Poison Ivy]

Great update! Good for you.

[square]

What a wonderful update! Love how your health is measurably better and that you have been able to connect more with your kids including a big holiday visit.

[SonofThunder]

What a wonderful update! Love how your health is measurably better and that you have been able to connect more with your kids including a big holiday visit.

+1 to Squares comments

Seabreeze, a very insightful view from a hiker farther along the trail than some, and its always fantastic to read both the positive and truthful experiences from up ahead.  Thanks for sharing your journey with us others who hike the same trail with you. 

SoT

[notrightinthehead]

Great update! I can confirm that healing is not a linear process. And I found that the legal process brings it all up again, including the trauma response. But even the bad days now are better than the good days then - when I was fearfully waiting for the other shoe to drop.
To an even better second year!

[xredshoesx]

loving this seabreeze!   keep on truckin!

[dentrose]

I'm so proud of you for getting away! I remember your posts from back then and am so glad you've begun to find your peace!

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

 

[Beachstone]

Your update is so inspiring. Thank you for sharing, it gives me (and I'm sure many here) hope. I'm only 4 months out, and still struggle at times with depression, loneliness and a sense that life won't get better.
I'm so happy to read how the pieces of your life are coming together nicely.

[sunshine702]

I am sorry I am late to the celebration// but know that you are my spirit guide. I am only 9 year into the mud and only out recently out but yes quiet and sanctuary sounds like yes.

I am aware there are survive days but what the heck did I do abuse days are worse

Happy freedom dear