Has anyone made a police report, how did that go? TW

[SilentSkald]

Hi there

I am considering making a police report about crimes I was the victim of during childhood. My parents were the perpetrators, but my dad is now dead.

I am considering this because I keep having panic attacks and feel v unsafe, but when I think about telling the police I feel safer.

(I am not generally a fan of the police and don't think the criminal system is great at helping victims of abuse in general, so I don't know why I feel better when I think about doing this!)

I am also considering this because twice they made photos of the abuse and I am haunted by the thought of those photos and who else might have copies. I understand though that I will probably never resolve that.

Has anyone else reported abusive crimes to the police? If so, did it actually help you feel better?
Thanks, Lu

[moglow]

SilentSkald, I could be very wrong but unless the abuse is ongoing and/or recent AND there is proof [and possibly witnesses] of same, there is likely little law enforcement can do. Even then, at best they may be able to offer reassurance of restraining orders against future abuses.

I've had to come to the very hard realization that my mother will not only ever admit to or apologize for her treatment of me and others, there's no restitution or recovery other than that I find on my own. She's offered little by way of positive reinforcement or encouragement and it's only in the past several years - finding community with other like-minded souls and continuing to hold myself responsible for my and only my own behavior - that I'm finding a measure of peace with it all.

Mother is deeply damaged and superficial as the day is long. She's convinced that reputations matter above all, how you're seen by others. She'll lie and hide whatever she has to, to keep that impression out there. There's not one whit of remorse or even simple admission that she's wrong on any level whatsoever. I've had to find acceptance with that, and in that way let her go. My job has been to evict that tenant [her] from my head as much as possible.

[NarcKiddo]

Even if there is not enough evidence for the police to take it forward it may be that you would feel validated if they believe you and make some enquiries. Equally you might find the whole thing to be overwhelming and intrusive, especially if they do proceed with an investigation, because then everything would be out of your control.

I am in the UK and police attitudes vary, I am sure. But I always get the feeling that once you report a crime the police become far more invested in getting a conviction than in the consequences for the victim. If I thought an abuser might be continuing to target others I would be far more likely to report and suffer any negative consequences to myself. Personally, I would be reluctant to report if I had already suffered the abuse and it was not ongoing. If you have not tried therapy I would suggest you at least consider that first.

[Invisiblewoman]

I believe in the case of child sexual abuse there is no statute of limitations, especially if images of you are in circulation. I don't know what country you are in but almost every country takes this kind of abuse very seriously. I am very sorry you are in this situation.

I remember trying to pursue assault charges as a child, and was ignored, and even blamed for the violence by a social worker. To the social worker's credit they probably were only fed my mother's side of the story. It's not a good situation to be in. I felt like my life was literally hanging by a thread for about a year.