“Houston, I think we have a problem.” Creepy husband

[Just Kathy]

When I first entered into marriage with my husband, he was met with immediate animosity from his ex-wife and daughters. Initially, I assumed their disdain stemmed from him moving forward with his life and remarrying. However, an early incident served as a significant warning sign to me.

"Houston, I think we have a problem."

On that occasion, the three of us—my PD husband, myself, and his youngest daughter—were sorting through a box of old clothes. I had stepped into the kitchen briefly, and it was then that I heard his daughter screaming loudly; she was screaming at the top of her lungs. Rushing back, I discovered him trying to force his old swimming trunks onto his daughter. She stood there crying hysterically.  I forced him to let go of his daughter. I told her to go, and the girl took off.

He explained that he was checking to see if his old swimming trunks would fit his daughter. I immediately told him his daughter was uncomfortable with his actions. In my mind, I questioned why he would want his daughter to wear men's clothing.

This child has faced issues of gender confusion as she's grown. My husband consistently attributes the younger daughter's problems to his ex-wife, suggesting she is the root cause. However, based on my observations and experiences up to this point, I'm inclined to disagree with his assessment- I believe he should take some blame for his child's problems.
 
From the beginning, I've noticed that he engages in peculiar conversations with her whenever she is in my husband's presence.

For instance, just a couple of days ago, while we were in the car, he initiated a discussion about animals having sex with humans out of the blue. Who engages in such conversations with his seventeen-year-old daughter?

Feeling uneasy with the direction of the conversation, I intervened by telling him that such topics are prohibited by the Torah, expressing my discomfort, and making it clear that I did not wish to entertain such discussions.

He ceased, yet I sensed an underlying coldness in his attitude towards me after that.

[Jsinjin]

That's a big warning.   I don't know what to say except it would be prudent to not let them be alone together.

[Boat Babe]

I've got red flags and alarm sirens going off all over the place here. I smell child sexual abuse and it stinks. You need to act to protect this young person. Now.

[Just Kathy]

For a decade, I've unknowingly played the role of a protective guard dog for this young individual. With just one year left before she plans to join the military, I feel I have fulfilled my responsibilities.

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

Just Kathy

I'm curious as to what this warning sign means to you?

After reading your post, the comments to me are how much he is trying to push boundaries.  Would his daughter allow such a conversation?  would his wife?  He heard you express a firm boundary and he didn't like it.  I hope his daughter could take in how you were modeling this?  I hope she can express herself when her boundaries are not honored being a young woman and going into the military.

I think such comments are abusive because they have a manipulative purpose.  I experienced similar with my exPD spouse and he was very cunning with his comments.  They were subtle and over time I could see the "creepy" factor.