I left day one

[sunshine702]

I left!

I packed 3 bags including all of my dog's ashes and left!

I work in a hotel.  In fact I helped the housekeepers clean this room today lol. Nice beds.  Employee rate.

I called my sister in law and unloaded about what is going on.  Oh wow not only am I dead right I heard some more stories I had never heard about the emotional incest mother in law. 

I feel really good for putting my foot down.  This is a line in the sand.  So apparently mother-in-law would call my awesome sister in law and go through her finances!! Asking her why she spent $200 at Payless and why is your check $50 less this week!!!!!!  Holy chit.  And apparently both sons just allow this nonsense.

So recently sister in Law ish got a cat.  Mother-in-law is allergic so she forbade this grow woman from a cat for a decade. Recently she go a cat... in her own house.  A cat.

I am so proud of her and I needed to hear that story

[notrightinthehead]

You might consider writing down all the reasons why you left. Every one. And how you felt . Write it all down and keep it.

[square]

Congratulations, you did a very brave thing.

Stay strong.

[SeaBreeze]

That first step out is a big one. You've got this! I hope you enjoy the  rest and respite from drama (and junk heaps) in your nice hotel room while plotting your next steps.   

[moglow]

Sunshine, however overbearing she may be, try and remember: your relationship isn't with *her*, it's with her son. If he's unwilling/unable to stand up and have separate adult relationships and allows his mother to dictates terms of engagement, that's on him. He's choosing to kowtow to her demands. You -as another adult- can still to remove yourself from an unsatisfactory relationship with a grown man who isn't willing to buck her established system. Why should he? The ramifications of pushing back to her -right next door, I think you said?- are far worse than a girlfriend who's not willing to live that way any longer. Know that he's making choices here every bit as much as you are.

[SonofThunder]

Congratulations, you did a very brave thing.

Stay strong.

  +1  Well done.

SoT

[sunshine702]

Oh I very much know it is MY PARTNER that has to at first lightly lay down some boundaries with her.  I wanted him to lightly go through the junk heap with her asking do we really need this and if the answer is yes then maybe we should store them in the outbuilding? If not it can go and we would pay for the dumpster.   Both brothers will NOT. Hard no/ don't see it / I'll NOT deal.  Or deal VERY lightly. Sigh. It was helpful to hear Sister in Law use the word "hoarding". I got a lot of static for suggesting that.  Other people see it too. Good.  My parents are exactly like this too that is why I am so adamant—. the proverbial camel's nose at first then if that is tolerated the entire camel in the tent real quick.

Hearing stories about this was so cathartic.

Basically I feel SO GASLIT these days.  Unable to trust what I think is going on. 

I think she really did a number on both boys.  The third leaned into to his wife's family and went No Contact.  Hard NO Contact even with the father's death.  The other two live in fear of her likely Narc wrath. 

All of this started when we moved up into the new house at Thanksgiving and she got jealous I think.  Wanting to push me out and take my place. 

Sister in law confided a year ago she is having trouble with Brother's drinking.  I think it helped her tell someone and be BELIEVED and realize how serious this was for her.  Mother in law recently told her "YOU are the reason D drinks!!  Wow just wow.  So trust me I get it.  Also these people have been married since 91 and have three kids so my idea of a marriage helping things — yeah maybe not. Lol

I am a whirl of emotions right now.  Our cycle is so toxic but starting over agin feels like eating an elephant.






 

[moglow]

Ya know how you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

Having that confirmation from others really does help. Being seen helps. Stepping out in courage, helps. You may take a step back here and there to regroup or even out of habit, but at the end of the day moving forward is still your friend. Baby steps!