Are you afraid to tell your story because they might find it?

[Invisiblewoman]

I want to tell my story, but in disclosing to my family, they used my story to isolate me.

They turned around and accused me of making it up when my Nmother died.

I guess it's convenient now that she's dead, and they can shift their derision towards me.

I wrote out the basics of my story and was disgusted, but I know my family will insist it's all lies.

It's just wild how there are elements of abuse bordering on emotional torture (withholding your right to counselling, making you sound crazy, and doing all the things to make you feel crazy, physically harming and getting other family to assault you).

There's elements of discarding. There's elements of making you vulnerable, even as a minor. There are elements of physical abuse and domestic violence, which never happened.

There's gaslighting and manipulation. There is them provoking reactions, and then only highlighting my reaction while claiming they never tried to provoke a response.

There's elements of baiting and saying the cruelest things the moment you criticize them, again to make you react so they can use your reaction against you.

There is them playing victim while accusing me of playing victim for telling them they can't rewrite the history of my family story.

If you respond even in the most balanced way, they react with threatening to criminally charge me for criticizing them. That seems pretty narcissistic to me.

The audacity is just astounding, and it's more than one family member.

I feel I am left trying to heal, and feel like an alien when someone says sorry your mother died.

It wasn't a loss so much, as it was realizing the rest of family never had my best interests at heart, and played the same kind of games that she did.

I am not trying to diagnose, but someone threatening to charge you with harassment after saying some really hurtful things at the same times seems really hypocritical.

The behaviour drove me away. Seen it before, and I am sick of the same games.

[notrightinthehead]

Yes, it's a form of protecting yourself when you only disclose the abuse to safe people. And these family members seem not safe.

Maybe writing it down could be a way to let it out of your system and get some distance.

[Call Me Cordelia]

If it's a completely made up story, how would they identify it as yours? 

I hear you, though. I wouldn't have felt safe enough to post certain details I have before I was well and truly NC. And even then I've fudged certain things that don't actually matter to the narrative, just as an extra layer of anonymity.

[moglow]

Ive found that letting air and light into the dark places in my mind, sharing what I can when I can, is freeing. I'm not carrying the load all by myself any more and a weight has definitely lifted. I've found safe others I can talk with who very simply give me space to say what I need to get out. I can then put it down, even if only for a while, and I go about my life. I've found that more people than I ever suspected, really do get it. Small comments, little reveals and there's a return in kind that lets me know I'm truly not alone.

What "they" may think about it isn't nearly as important as me recognizing it all for what it is/was. She/they don't have to agree. I don't have to explain or justify anything I think or feel to anyone; others are free to disagree at their leisure. Do I discuss it with her/them? No. To what purpose? so I can be further ridiculed, battered, doubted and demeaned? No thank you. It's not their business, how I feel. Not anymore.

IW, I started by writing things out, a lot. I wrote until my hand was sore then I wrote some more. I journaled to clear my mind then would go back and add some more. I shared one such journal with a trusted friend, someone who grew up with me seeing it from the fringes. She saw things I didn't, confirmed things I never imagined anyone could. My gut, that still small voice inside, was right all along. Even as a child, I knew it wasn't right. There's a strength in that, being able to believe in yourself.

If you choose to share here among those who do get it, camouflage is your friend and we encourage it - you can share your story whole and entire, while being vague about possibly identifying details. For your purposes if it's primarily a family situation, sisters can become brothers or you can add or subtract as needed, one aunt becomes two [or three become two], etc. What truly are the odds of them finding you unless pointed here specifically? There's plenty of hurt, damaged angry people in and out of here on all levels, a wide and varying group who understand where you are, have been there, can listen and hopefully help guide you to at least a more peaceful life. That after all, is what we're here for.