Healthy ways to cope

[dealzz15]

Hey, its been a while and for a second I've been doing a lot better and working on myself and dealing with my past and affects of living with a narc father but my best friend's health situation is getting so much worse and she got life flighted to a hospital two weeks ago. They think she has mito and shes showing all the signs of Mitochondrial encephalomyopathy with lactic acidosis and stroke-like episodes/melas and there's no cure and it will only get worse from here. I haven't been doing well at all since and haven't been able to fall asleep before 3am. I feel like I'm falling into a deep depression and I don't know what to do or how to cope. I"m being hit with intense waves of grief and feel that I'm losing the only family that I've got. I don't know what to do without her and its getting to be too much

I talked to my therapist today and we talked about going on anti-depressants and finding a way to lower my suffrage and explain what pain and suffrage is. I'm just not sure because I do think I need something but don't want to gain weight from them and feel shame from taking them before because of my parents.  they encourage me not to take them. I've also haven't been able to use weed cause future testing which has been my emotional crutch since my best friend had started getting health problems.  It wasn't really a problem stopping until she got life flighted but it was my only way I could fall alseep and get energy for me to deal with my emotions so now I'm lost. I had problems with depression, ocd, cptsd/ptsd, anxiety before I started, weed kinda just gave me a break to regain my energy and only thing that really worked.

If people could share healthy ways that they cope with their feelings and emotions that would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

[Invisiblewoman]

I started attending a meetup to meet people, and just expand my horizons a little.  I think with narcissistic abuse it makes you slow to trust new situations and people. It's online mostly but there are some pretty good people and the group leaders are pretty good people who don't allow for any BS in the group.

I avoid bars, but started going to our local library and am trying to become more active in my community. Just seeking active and healthy ways to find "my people" so that I am protected if anyone from my family comes knocking for the wrong reasons.

[j.banquo]

I put on music and just notice how my emotions feel, and name and just notice them.

I lift weights and go for walks.

I write in a journal.

I'm sure I'm missing some!

[moglow]

...we talked about going on anti-depressants and finding a way to lower my suffrage and explain what pain and suffrage is. I'm just not sure because I do think I need something but don't want to gain weight from them and feel shame from taking them before because of my parents.  they encourage me not to take them.

If I may, please don't let fears of possible side effect and/or other people's opinion prevent you from doing what you need for yourself. Everyone doesn't gain weight, and depending on their recommendation that may not be an issue at all. You'd need to be very clear what you need help with so they can find something, possibly a combination, that works best for you. When I was at my lowest, it was a process for me, finding one that helped while not leaving me an emotional flatliner. I had sleep issues even on my best day so that cancelled out one right off the bat. Zoloft leveled me off but left me a zombie - I just had days, neither good nor bad, high nor low. One day after another. I functioned, sort of, so that one was short lived. Seems like third time was the charm and I stayed on it for about a year so I could focus and do what I needed to do to rebuild and become functioning again.

And honestly, you can absolutely choose to not discuss it with your parents or anyone else. Mother wasn't exactly interested but she loved gomming down into my personal business, and sharing it with any and all. I learned to not provide ammunition i.e. anything personal - what I thought, felt, liked, disliked, etc. Find and embrace gray rock. Be polite and keep your business to yourself. Every question doesn't need an answer, every invitation to argument or conflict doesn't have to be answered either. Work on your boundaries, respect and demand respect of others.

[Rebel13]

Chiming in with my antidepressant experience.  I took a tricyclic antidepressant (the class with drugs like amitriptyline and nortriptyline) when I was in my 20s.  Prozac had just come out at that time, and I tried it and did not like the effects, similar to what you report about Zoloft, moglow. I had several good years on the tricyclic and then went off of it, for no good reason, looking back, except for some belief on my part that I should "do it on my own." (I wonder where that came from?!?!?!?)

If I could go back, I would stay on the medication and never go off. I have been on the same med again for almost three years now and the difference in my life and my ability to manage myself and my emotions cannot be overstated.  I plan to take this for the rest of my life if I can. The pros of this class of meds is that they are quite old, so the effects are well documented, and they are very cheap in the US as they are all available as generics. I tried another med in the same class and they do have different effects and different side effect profiles, so if you can find someone to work with while you try to find what works for you, whether a tricyclic, SSRI, or something else, I would highly encourage it.

As far as self care and coping, I'm not super good at it.  I use some of the DBT skills for coping and self soothing when I am actively upset. I have recently decided to set aside an hour in the evening, whenever possible, to recreate the environment of my weekly acupuncture session, which I find super relaxing. So I have a comfy chair to sit in, with my feet up; I have a warm eye mask and make myself a cup of tea to sip while I listen to soothing music. Either before or after this, I spend some time journaling, at a minimum writing down one thing I am grateful for today. These activities aren't useful in moments of emotional crisis, but I think of them as laying a foundation of calm and of caring for myself, so I can lean on that foundation during times when I am more upset.

The antidepressant I guess is another piece of that foundation for me. Another thing is regular exercise, nothing strenuous (unless you like that), just a nice walk with my dog, or going swimming. Being outside helps me get perspective on whatever is bothering me, and I think over time it does help me sleep better.

It has taken me many years to get to the point where I can even consider doing any of this with any regularity, so don't be me and use your lack of self-care as another club to beat yourself with.

[Rebel13]

Later I thought of the RAIN meditation: https://www.tarabrach.com/rain/

I like how simple it is. I almost have it memorized LOL. I printed it and put it on my refrigerator.

Also editing to say, dealzz15, I am sorry about your friend. Losing someone you love is so, so hard.