Do PD's Do This

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Still Standing

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Re: Do PD's Do This
« Reply #60 on: August 26, 2015, 04:59:52 PM »
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I know when I first started I was subconsciously looking for anything and everything I could pin that tail on that would not point to it being my fault. Back then to have thought that it was all or much of anypart my fault would have been a dangerous thing....So it's natural to do that and maybe even necessary for awhile.

I think part of this, too, Gary, is that for some of us, we go so long with feeling like we are crazy, and having the N's, or BP's, or the whomevers, making us think that we are crazy, that by the time we arrive here, and the fog starts to lift, we are literally CRAVING validation.  That's what I get from so many of these posts...we actually need to relive those experiences...we have been conditioned to doubt ourselves, that we have this intense desire to check, and double check, and make sure again, that we were not crazy.  Just like many PD's share similar character traits, I really do see that this need for validation is a similar trait for Non's.  Why else would we sit here and relive and talk about so many painful memories and experiences...almost feeling as if we can't let go?  And we can't let go until we are convinced that we were not the crazy ones.  I think it's all part of the healing process.  Once we get past the need for validation, that's when I think we can then turn inward and say, "aha...yes, now I see what I did...what I should have done...and when I should have done it..."

And mine was lactose intolerant too.  Too funny.

Exactly! That need for validation...and the need to know that I am NOT crazy...it's HUGE! Identifying the "patterns" and hearing other people's stories of going through the same things with PDs...so very validating! and yes, they are not all the same...just like we are not all the same...but even reading the Traits and Toolbox here is so "Aha!" for me because it helps me see the patterns. And I can realize that IT'S NOT ME!

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LynnJ

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Re: Do PD's Do This
« Reply #61 on: September 10, 2015, 06:00:03 PM »
Your point is well-taken Gary.  PDs are not all alike just because they are in the same category.  I would add this though:  one of the ways we can support each other is sharing experiences we've had with our PD relatives that are similar.  Before I found the literature and discussion groups like this forum I thought my family  were the only ones with the rather bizarre characteristics they have.  It's been tremendously supportive to hear of other people who've had similar experiences with their PD relatives.

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LoriA

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Re: Do PD's Do This
« Reply #62 on: October 12, 2015, 10:45:00 PM »
Hi, this might be my first post to the board, besides the lengthy ones I wrote in my intro/welcome mat post. I haven't had much time to browse or get the hang of how the forums work yet, so I started by asking questions there.
(Forgive me if I'm not using the quote function correctly.)

The "craving validation" thing rings true. I've had 3 or 4 key people in my past, and now one currently, accuse me of "crazy" behaviour.
 
On some level I've always known they were wrongly accusing me of either made up behaviour, or their own behaviour, but not until after it triggered a sometimes intense emotional charge.  So I often kept looking for someone to confirm that they were in the wrong.

I thought there was already a name for how people like to throw blame like that though, and that's why I came to the forum, but I couldn't find anything.  So instead, I wrote in some detail what was happening in my intro/welcome mat thread and asked if someone could direct me.

I thought it was referred to as "crazymaking" (somewhat derogatory) but I looked that term up elsewhere and it didn't seem right.  But maybe there isn't a term for this yet, and I should just skim the forum for mentions of similar things?

Another example is one I just happen to notice in this gem from an ex-boyfriend (of sorts) long ago where after I told him he owed me an apology and to please keep his distance after a recent encounter, he responded saying  "I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. I haven't even talked to you in months. You are clearly delusional. Please exclude me from your bipolar paranoia. Thanks."
(For the record, that one didn't touch me since I was already familiar with his "work" and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am neither delusional, nor have bipolar paranoia.)
He was obviously a real character, lol... and not exactly a boyfriend, just someone where there was powerful attraction, and perhaps due to this kind of thing that comes up in my life from time to time, just real tug of war/frustration.

Quote
I know when I first started I was subconsciously looking for anything and everything I could pin that tail on that would not point to it being my fault. Back then to have thought that it was all or much of anypart my fault would have been a dangerous thing....So it's natural to do that and maybe even necessary for awhile.

I think part of this, too, Gary, is that for some of us, we go so long with feeling like we are crazy, and having the N's, or BP's, or the whomevers, making us think that we are crazy, that by the time we arrive here, and the fog starts to lift, we are literally CRAVING validation.  That's what I get from so many of these posts...we actually need to relive those experiences...we have been conditioned to doubt ourselves, that we have this intense desire to check, and double check, and make sure again, that we were not crazy.  Just like many PD's share similar character traits, I really do see that this need for validation is a similar trait for Non's.  Why else would we sit here and relive and talk about so many painful memories and experiences...almost feeling as if we can't let go?  And we can't let go until we are convinced that we were not the crazy ones.  I think it's all part of the healing process.  Once we get past the need for validation, that's when I think we can then turn inward and say, "aha...yes, now I see what I did...what I should have done...and when I should have done it..."

And mine was lactose intolerant too.  Too funny.

Exactly! That need for validation...and the need to know that I am NOT crazy...it's HUGE! Identifying the "patterns" and hearing other people's stories of going through the same things with PDs...so very validating! and yes, they are not all the same...just like we are not all the same...but even reading the Traits and Toolbox here is so "Aha!" for me because it helps me see the patterns. And I can realize that IT'S NOT ME!
« Last Edit: October 12, 2015, 11:03:17 PM by LoriA »