Medical procedures

[sunshine702]

I have a dilemma.  My dad wants me to get a colonoscopy.  He lost one sister (out of 7) to it.  Early 50's sadly.  Some not zero family history but not immediate exactly.  I wanted to go the mail in box Route but he is INSISTING on the full procedure.

Good angel - he is willing to pay for any costs above insurance.  So.

Bad angel - shouldn't invasive medical procedures be MY Decision! 

He feels he sort of has me worn "we will pay for it all" and "it's for your well being / health.

Thoughts.....

[sunshine702]

Facts- I am experiencing zero symptoms. I will be 50 next year .  Both my brothers had it done (due to badgering) and zero cancer was found. Polyps were found but no cancer . 

I just don't know.  My insurance with job kicks in I think May 1st. I will go speak to someone then and see if they take my insurance.  My brother called to warn me he would not stop badgering me and he just gave up and did it...

Yeah - free stuff but
BOO isn't this my BODY and my OwN choices!!!

Sigh.

Control..... but for a "good cause".  Should I?

[Cascade]

Maybe you could talk to your family physician and get their advice. Then you can make your decision based on that. I know that may not satisfy your parent but it may help you decide.

[NarcKiddo]

Your body, your choice. Absolutely. No questions asked.

I am sorry, but if my parents tried this on me there would be an almighty bad reaction from me. Your father may be different, but if my mother suggested such a thing it would be for control. She would never offer to pay for a medical procedure without expecting to be involved from start to finish in knowing every detail. I would find such a suggestion to be intrusive, objectionable and, frankly, abusive.

It's one thing for your doctor to say you need a procedure and for a parent to offer to help with costs. Quite another for a parent to try to insist on a procedure when they are not even a medic (I assume your father is not). I personally think the most they should do is suggest you consider the fact that someone in the family died from something you could take a test for. And then leave it to you to take medical advice on whether the procedure is appropriate.

[FromTheSwamp]

My mom tried to talk me out of having breast cancer screening because she had a negative experience.  I put it off because of this, and when I did finally have my first mammogram, it was a surprising relief to get my results.  I know this isn't really the same, but my message is, don't let your father's interference put you off getting needed cancer screenings.  Those polyps your brothers had could have turned into cancer, if left untreated.  Even without the family history, a colonoscopy is the best way to not only check for cancer, but treat polyps which can turn into cancer. 

Consider getting it done without discussing it further with your father, and of course feel free to let him help with any costs after. 

I wish I hadn't let my mom's interference increase my anxiety around cancer screening.

[Sneezy]

Once you turn 50, your own doctor will start telling you to get a colonoscopy.  I avoided it for a while, but my doctor finally talked me into it - they are relentless about these kinds of screening, especially as you get older.  However, if/when you decide to get one, that is your decision and your dad should have no say in it. He doesn't need to know anything about it, and you don't need to report your results back to him.  Your decision, your business.  Just tell him you are handling your own medical care with your doctor.

[Rebel13]

I absolutely agree that it is your business and your decision. My experience was, my primary care provider said that the mail-in test would be OK for me because I don't have a family history of that kind of cancer. Doing the mail-in doesn't preclude doing a colonoscopy if you change your mind later, or if the mail-in test shows anything questionable. But no matter what you decide, you don't have to share your thoughts, decisions or actions with anyone. You can medium chill like, "Thanks Dad, I know this issue really causes you concern. I'll let you know if I need any help with it."

[moglow]

For me that falls hard into nunnyo business territory. I appreciate the concern, but I'm an adult and I can take care of it thanks.

[sunshine702]

I appreciate everyone's input so much!!

So I am going to slow peddle this decision - this is an IMPORTANT yet can wait a minute (no immediate worries) test.

WHEN my healthcare kicks in I will go to the Gastro doctor MIL recommended (yes I know) but remember small town - if I hate him I will look in the two major towns

I have been reading up on the procedure.  I am tough as nails.  I can handle A LOT. 

Then if I am ready I will schedule and leave strict NO INFORMATION to family PERIOD

[Defiantdaughter1]

I understand if you don't want to lie, but if it were me, I would do the mail order test and tell them I had the procedure done. They wouldn't know any differently. A little creative story telling is fine in my opinion unless people are going to get hurt. I don't know if polyps can be detected by the mail order test, which may or may not be a precursor to cancer.

[DaisyGirl77]

I had an uncle die of colon cancer 10 years ago.  One of the questions we asked his doctor was who should get checked:  his siblings & direct descendants?  Or should everyone get tested regardless of relation to him on the family tree?  The answer was that his siblings & his direct line needed to be tested because they have a higher percentage of developing the disease.  Everyone else has such a low chance of having it that it wasn't necessary.

So since it was your paternal aunt who died of it, her descendants are the ones who need to be more closely monitored for colon cancer, as should your dad & his surviving siblings.  You're in the clear.  Just let your current & future providers know about it just so they're aware, but they won't be concerned enough to push for the test due to the degree of relativity between you both.

Your dad is being ridiculous.  Stick to your doctors' advice regarding your health, not his.

[xredshoesx]

i've had three colonoscopies since I was 42. . .if you don't have to get it, don't.  I was being screened for cancer bc of symptoms and the prep was horrible but worth the peace of mind.  if your medical dr suggests yes, but otherwise do the mail in first.