Feelings on mother in law at husband’s death scene

[sunshine702]

I finally told someone this story I never told anyone else before.  So my partner's father died the day after St Patrick's day a year ago now.  So his mom has retired admin for the fire department and knows all the guys.  I am hanging back as the detectives are next on the scene make sure it was natural.  A young fit fire fighter asks me is THAT is my mom?  No I say my mother in law.  She worked with us I don't like her he tells clueless me.

He obviously has a bad experience with her working and in my stupor of the shocking events tells me how much he hates her.

I never told anyone that but now I get it

[sunshine702]

Mostly I was a little shocked at the timing.  It must have been a BAD experience to say to to someone right then. 

[SeaBreeze]

I can see how hearing that at the death scene would be off-putting and take awhile to process. Only in hindsight can we truly think: Hey, wait, maybe I should have taken better note of that?

My parents tried to warn me about my first husband's family. I thought my parents were just jealous. One of ex-SIL's ex-husbands reported the same with his parents. He and I agreed, years later, we should have listened! My brother has warned various people about my ex-in-laws over the years and was accused of holding a grudge because of me. Well, some of those people have come back and apologized to my brother after finally seeing for themselves what I experienced behind closed doors years ago! It'd be dishonest if I didn't admit it's a little vindicating.

At least going forward, we can all pay more attention to those red flags, including the flags others might raise!