Don't know what to do

[hollow]

I'm a college student (non-US based) with a year left to graduate but I don't think I'll be able to handle living in this house anymore. I have some money saved up but I'm not working right now. Nor do I have a car. My sister or mother drop me off to college everyday and I refuse to get out of the house if it means I have to rely on them because they'll no doubt throw a tantrum that I'm not spending time with my mom. I can't even study because I'm so stressed out. My grades keep falling and I honestly don't think it's worth it to stay so my mom pays my tuition fees. What do I do first? Rent an apartment with the money I have saved up (the money is 4 times the rent in my country) and then look for a job and/or a car. Or get a a very cheap, very used car and then leave? There's no way she'll let me get a job. She already sabotaged my first job a semester ago and forbade me from dropping out. But I'd rather take a leave of absence or something like that after this semester is over and done with. I ask because this is the only avenue I have left. The DV helpline said they couldn't help me move out and the police do not interfere unless I'm being physically abused. I feel trapped and it sucks. I'm getting suicidal the more I stay here, wasting away and being treated like a child.

[Defiantdaughter1]

I know exactly how you feel. I was once a college student dependent on my father's financial support. He was a tyrant, dictator, control freak, and alcoholic.  Those were miserable years. I was trapped because I couldn't support myself until I finished school. I wish I had advice for you, but I don't. I just focused on my studies and I knew my education was my ticket out of that house. I thought the day would never come, but it finally came. Life is so much easier now.

[Rebel13]

Hi hollow,

I have been thinking a lot about your post. It reminds me a lot of my experiences with my family as a young person. It's a very complicated situation for sure. Before I say too much I want to ask if you are an adult in the country where you are a citizen/legal resident. I think your options and choices would be different depending on that status, and my experience would probably be more useful to you if you are a legal adult.

Regardless, though, I would encourage you to explore the resources on this site and learn about all kinds of self-help options for dealing with difficult family situations. Even if we can't control what other people do, we have some control over how we react and how we manage our thoughts, emotions and actions in response to what others do. Dialectical behavior therapy has helped me a lot with this. There are many great books and podcasts about DBT; my favorites are the podcast "DBT and Me" and The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook by McKay, Wood and Brantley. I've recently been learning about and trying to use the RAIN meditation and I think it is helpful. I really like Pete Walker's books and online articles about emotional flashbacks. On this site someone recommended Tara Brach's book Radical Compassion and I just started reading it yesterday. And there are lots of other theories, techniques, and practices that other people find helpful in coping with hard situations. I wish you the best and I'd be glad to share more about my past experience if you thought it might be useful.  All the best to you!