uBPD mother getting worse again - Intro

[TrulyFree]

Our mother has always been challenging. Many years ago, long before being aware of the other Cluster B personality issues other than NPD (which our father has), I became aware of Emotional Blackmail, set up boundaries with our mother, and life was better, and I could tolerate our relationship that way. Moving over 2,000 miles away also helped.

Fast forward. Mom is nearing 70, although more healthy than she, of course, believes. As she gets older (almost on her death bed if she is describing things, even though she has siblings significantly older than her and doing quite well), her BPD and manipulation are coming back.

I've recently had to reestablish my boundaries. Due to work and personal finances I had moved closer to her (about 3 hours away) - still not "close" and my move had nothing to do with her - just happened to be closer to her as that's where I ended up landing. She started lightly - and for a while (couple years) things weren't too bad, so I let the boundaries slide. Then, inevitably, she started pushing a little bit, then a bit more, and lately it's gone to straight up attempting to blow right past even reasonable expectations. I put my foot down when she tried that, and have now re-written out my boundaries and am sticking to them once more.

Finding out that we're not alone and that there are reasons for her behavior has been so very helpful. At least understanding that we (sister and I in particular) are not just being "jerks" and that our mother's expectations and demands and attempts at manipulation ARE unreasonable. Knowing that's who and what she is, and accepting that has made it a lot easier to not feel (as much) guilt about taking a stand against the abuse.

Looking forward to finding a good community as we deal with the BPD(s) in our lives.

[notrightinthehead]

You are so welcome here and in excellent company. You know what you are dealing with and dealing very well it seems. Looking forward to your contributions.