I didn't expect NC to be this easy

[BreatheDeep]

...i don't think NC is black and white. we can resume contact if we feel like we need to because..why not? No one decides this but us. And sometimes it's good to resume contact.

and..you can always decide to take control back and resume NC. if that's what you feel you should do.

This is my take as well. I have several uPD family members, and each relationship evolved (or devolved? LOL) differently, as did my decision-making process regarding going no contact. I'm grateful for the experience. I learned a lot about myself and gained a lot of confidence from going through it.

[kristin1021]

I went NC with my mother after years of dealing with her emotional abuse and disregard for my personal identity! It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be either, but she died in the year after. I had anticipated what I might feel if she died while NC, so I was prepared. I worked with my therapist to consider the various outcomes that might happen when going NC and that was really helpful. So I went NC in a calm state, and not out of anger.

I did talk to my mother on the phone (we live in different states) in the days before her death, but she was not coherent. Still, it was what I needed.

What I didn't anticipate at first was the anger my brother had about me going NC. While I spent most of my life caring for my mother's needs until I went NC at the age of 54, he moved across country and had very little to do with my parents. But when my mother was dying, he went to be with her. We've talked it through and I think we are in a better place, but that was a reaction I was not expecting! Otherwise, I've had support from my mother's sisters and my friends and I am glad I took care of myself when I made the decision to go NC.

[Liketheducks]

ChelseyTrombley....That is exactly what happened with my mom.    I had been NC with my Dad since the late 80's.   They're divorced.   

Mom had been living with us.  Things came to a head with her behavior and I offered to move her into a rental home of ours, free of charge.   Closeby even.   She stopped speaking to me, but told everyone in the family that I kicked her out and made her homeless.   She still tells people that 10 yrs later.     She expects me to call her and apologize and reestablish the relationship, but actively denegrates me to anyone who will listen....so I just let her.   I feel like I really can't do anything right by her anyway, but I stopped trying.  Every once in a while a flying monkey pops up...but crickets from her.   My life is so much more peaceful.  Though it took time to mourn.   I often wonder how this will change as she becomes more frail with age.   I'm open to being in contact, but it will have to include mutual respect.