Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD)

Are you treating someone who isn't physically sick as though they were?

Are you being held responsible for someone else's problems?

Are you acting like a parent towards someone who is not a child?

Do you live with someone who is selectively intelligent?

Are you routinely blamed by someone else for their own mistakes?

Are you held responsible for cleaning up someone else's mess?

Are you dealing with a parent or partner who behaves like a child?

Are you routinely forced to be the strong one - the grown up - the responsible one?

Are the family finances abdicated to you?

Are you frustrated with dealing with an adult who is capable of taking care of themselves - if only they tried?

Do you feel as though you are being used? Having all the burdens dumped on you and never shared?

Do you find yourself giving up on things that you need just to keep the peace with a family member?

Are healthy outside relationships and activities you enjoy perceived as a threat by someone at home?

Do you find yourself hiding the truth from others - friends, family co-workers just to keep up appearances?

Are you afraid to ask for help?

Does a loved one ever speak in exaggerated tones of how they would die or suffer or waste away if you stopped worrying for them?

Do you feel trapped? alone? Do you feel as though nobody understands what you are dealing with?

If the answer to any of these questions is “yes” then it’s possible  you may be in a relationship with someone who has Dependent Personality Disorder - or DPD. DPD is a serious condition that affects an estimated 0.5% of the population.

DPD Description

Dependent Personality Disorder is a mental illness which results in submissive and clinging behavior, a fear of separation and an inappropriate reliance on others.

The DPD sufferer often feels helpless or unable to cope independently - and frequently and inappropriately seeks to transfer responsibility for their situation or well-being onto another.

It's unusual for DPD to be diagnosed in children, since dependent reliance on adults is considered appropriate in minors. The disorder only has meaning in adults, for whom pervasive dependent tendencies are unhealthy or inappropriate.

People who suffer from DPD generally avoid professional occupations or positions of responsibility and become agitated or anxious when faced with certain routine, sometimes trivial decisions.

People who suffer from DPD often maintain a very small number of relationships with people who provide for them the kind of environment that protects them from having to take responsibility for themselves.

People who suffer from DPD may also exhibit symptoms of other personality disorders such as BPD, HPD or Avoidant Personality Disorder. They are also at an increased risk of: depression; substance abuse, and of suffering abuse at the hands of others.

Dependent Personality Disorder, is believed to occur in about 1 in every 200 adults. It is generally diagnosed more often in women than in men. It is most commonly diagnosed in young adults.

DPD is rarely, if ever, diagnosed in children for whom such dependent behaviors are generally considered appropriate. Dependent behavior is considered normal in childhood but, for some, this dependent behavior persists and intensifies into adulthood; thus they become diagnosed with this disorder.

Chronic physical illness, Munchausen's Syndrome or Intense separation anxiety in late childhood may be indicative of an early onset of DPD..

Living with a person who suffers from dependent personality disorder can be a frustrating, frightening, destructive experience. Yet despite being so common, few people have even heard of it.

As a caretaker to a person who suffers from Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD), you can find yourself with an ever growing sense of anger and injustice when a capable adult acts like a helpless child.

While it may seem easier in the short run to provide the kind of caretaking that a person with DPD seeks, in the long run you may be doing more harm than good to yourself and to the person you are caring for.

There are other people who have faced or are facing similar circumstances. Some of them are here on this site. We strongly urge you to read some of the stories, learn about coping with this devastating illness and ask your own questions at our message board.

DPD Characteristics - The DSM-IV Criteria

Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD) is listed in the DSM-IV-TR as a "Cluster C" (anxious or fearful) Personality Disorder.

Text in Bold Italics is quoted from the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic & Statistical Manual (DSM-IV)

DSM-IV Criteria for Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD)

Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD) is defined as:

A pervasive and excessive need to be taken care of that leads to submissive and clinging behavior and fears of separation, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1. Has difficulty making everyday decisions without an excessive amount of advice and reassurance from others
2. Needs others to assume responsibility for most major areas of his or her life
3. Has difficulty expressing disagreement with others because of fear of loss of support or approval. Note: Do not include realistic fears of retribution.
4. Has difficulty initiating projects or doing things on his or her own (because of a lack of self-confidence in judgment or abilities rather than a lack of motivation or energy)
5. Goes to excessive lengths to obtain nurturance and support from others, to the point of volunteering to do things that are unpleasant
6. Feels uncomfortable or helpless when alone because of exaggerated fears of being unable to care for himself or herself
7. Urgently seeks another relationship as a source of care and support when a close relationship ends
8. Is unrealistically preoccupied with fears of being left to take care of himself or herself

A formal diagnosis of DPD requires a mental health professional to identify 5 of the above 8 criteria as positive. Some people exhibit all 8, most exhibit only a few.

Nobody is perfect. Even healthy people experience or exhibit some of the above criteria from time to time. This does not make a person DPD. A pervasive pattern of several of the above criteria is required for a diagnosis of a personality disorder.

Understanding the clinical criteria for DPD is helpful but learning how to cope with a loved-one who suffers from DPD is quite different and is not covered in the psychological literature..

One of the most effective ways we have found to deal with that is to get support from people who understand what it feels like to try to convince a partner to take responsibility for themselves, or try not to become a 'parent' to their own parent, or try to escape the inappropriate burden of being held responsible for someone else's decisions.

At this site you will find people who have dealt with loved ones who have a Dependent Personality Disorder.

For More Information & Support...

If you suspect you may be in a relationship with or related to someone who suffers from a personality disorder, we encourage you to learn all you can and gather as much support as you can to help you learn how to cope. Click here to learn about more Common Behaviors of Personality Disorders, learn about the good ideas and mistakes that others in similar situations have made in Common Behaviors of Non-Personality Disordered-People. Learn the essential terminology and vocabulary at our Personality Disorder Glossary. Follow our Links to related sites, discover key Books about personality disorders or read the real-life stories of others and discuss your own situation in the Introductions section of our Out of the FOG Support Forum.