Staying Committed to a Partner who has a Personality Disorder
There are some people who believe that it is impossible, improbable, inadvisable, even inexcusable to remain in a committed relationship with someone who suffers from a personality disorder.
There are people who will tell you to "Run for the hills!"
And yet millions choose to stay committed every day...
At Out of the FOG, it is not our intent to dictate, preach or legislate how a person should make the relationship choices in their own life. Many of us have had important decisions made for us for years by people in our lives. The last thing many of us feel we need is more well-intentioned, yet misinformed, relationship advice.
Rather, it is the intent of the Out of the FOG site to offer resources, support and encouragement to all who are affected by being in a relationship with someone who suffers from a personality disorder - in whatever form of relationship that might take.
We want you to discover the power you have to control yourself - even from within a committed relationship.
We want you to be set free from the FOG - the Fear, Obligation and Guilt of feeling responsible for the actions, words, or poor choices of a relationship partner.
Thoughts From a Committed Member...
Here are few thoughts, about being committed in a relationship with someone suffering from a personality disorder from one of our own:
"IMO, Staying Committed is more about being committed to people first, then to the relationship.
First, I feel that we need to be committed to ourselves, not in a selfish way, but in a healthy way being the person we are supposed to be. It may involve some type of counseling, to figure out how we got to where we are, and where we want to go. Eating right and exercise, taking time to be alone and with family and friends, along with taking time for your own spirituality (whatever you are comfortable with).
Secondly, taking care of any children. Don't believe that children are not affected, make them a priority. They need a strong and healthy parent, and they need to feel safe and loved. They need to grow in an environment free from abuse.
Third, is being committed to our significant other (SO) and that is somewhat conditional. Our SO needs to see their own 50% of relationship and be willing to work on their own issues. We can be there to support them and cheer them on but we must let them do the work.
Finally is working on the relationship together with our SO, which is a long and rough road in itself and, in my opinion, can not be accomplished without having everything else in place.
Here are some books and links that might be of use.
On Line Support
There is a section of our Support Forum dedicated to supporting people who find themselves Staying Committed to relationships with partnerswho suffer from personality disorders.
Five years ago, a photographer, an engineer, a writer, an office manager, a grandmother, a graphic artist, a law student, a husband, a librarian, and a stained-glass artisan came together to connect a diverse, isolated population in search of information, support, and growth as they strive to cope with a family members, spouses or partners who suffer from a personality disorder. Since its launch on November 1, 2007, Out Of The FOG has grown from a fledgling discussion group with 10 participants, to a vibrant community of over 4000 registered members world-wide, with new members joining every day.
On August 31 2012, the Out of the FOG Support Forum crossed two significant milestones - 100,000 member posts and 10,000 topics. Thanks to all who participate and contribute to the OOTF support board, which is a unique source of support to non-personality-disordered individuals all over the world.