Update on the Narc

[Newlife]

So, I'd posted asking for advice on how to end it in the best possible way with my boyfriend who is a narcissist and I had some very helpful replies so thank you to those who replied. The support is very much appreciated indeed. As I mentioned I'm away on vacation, ideal time to sort my head out and detach myself. I'd booked the holiday last August and couldn't bring myself to tell him for fear of the repercussions. Not only did I book it without him but I booked with my sister who he's always seen as a threat. He's desperately tried to destroy our relationship, causing rows with her and utterly berating her to me constantly. I only told him 2 weeks before I came away and that was when he was provoking me and humiliating me on a train in front of others. I could see the utter shock (even though he was trying to act nonchalant) and he just said nastily that he'd never take a 9 hour flight. But it was a double whammy of me DARING to go away without him and that it's with my sister. In the 2 weeks prior to coming away I adopted the strategies mentioned in YouTube videos. I didn't rise and remained emotionless which was so difficult. The fact that I was behaving like this was a nightmare for him and he started bullying me asking why I was ODD. When in fact all I was doing was being calm and not reacting to his nastiness. I did (which in retrospect was an error) tell him I was going to think about our relationship while away. He kept pushing me for an answer but nastily. On the morning of the flight I did call him and say goodbye as courtesy and he was equally as nasty. He said he could 'see others' if he wanted. I'm a jealous person which he knows so he played that card. I just said 'feel free'. He hung up and then sent a text saying I was pathetic and that he hoped my sister and I got food poisoning for the whole 2 weeks. He is the epitome of the adult child stuck between the ages of 6 and 12. I sent a message back saying when you went away alone on our holiday 2 days after my mother died and were sending photos of yourself while I was crying constantly, never once did I wish food poisoning on you. He wrote back and amazingly said he retracted that comment! Two days in he sends a text. 'It's breakfast time. No contact from you'. So I sent him photos of the holiday to date. No reply. As narcs are extremely jealous this would have been a nightmare for him. Despite him abandoning me in my hour of need and doing a lot worse. So I decided I wouldn't contact him again all holiday. A week later and he sends me a text 'I'm thinking of you even though you're not thinking about me. I'm unforgettable. You love me really'. Having seen the videos and read articles and now aware it's all about them and not the non Marc, this message confirmed everything. He wants his thought fuel while I'm away. Predictably if I don't reply he'll turn nasty. Oh in pre holiday text he also said 'I could do better than you'. I still find the psychology of the narc being nasty and then expecting you to continue in a relationship with them unbelievable. I have of course stayed mainly because of his words 'I love you' which has affected me so much despite the fact that he never shows it, is cruel, embarrassing, arrogant, belittles me (always in the guise of a joke) pompous, treats his daughter appallingly ( as he treats me) has no remorse or conscience and has OCD! My previous post gives the usual examples but as with others on here to many to mention! I think I may have caused narcissistic injury with the holiday etc but instead now of being aggressive and nasty he's playing the nice card as he really has no clue if I'm going to dump him on my return and his excellent narcissistic supply will of course just dry up. I'm not sure if after the narcissistic injury if it happens like that the blowing hot and cold by means of manipulation? I still like getting his texts but I've got to stay strong and finish it when I get back. I've been feeling positive and then that resolve weakens when I see his name come up on my iPhone. For my own sanity I've got to do it. That I know 100%....

[coyote]

You can do this newlife. I understand the feelings are still there and it will be a loss for you to end the relationship. I'm not eve saying you should end it, just saying you are smart and strong and you can do it if you want to.