Now I'm getting silent treatment

[Blackbird11]

As I've written in previous posts, I feel as though I'm heading toward a breaking point with uPDh. I have felt so uncomfortable around him for a few weeks now. Not because he is being particularly harsh - he's actually been OK, going to his T appointments, and trying to engage me in conversations sometimes. There are glimmers of the PD side, but nothing overt and particularly hard to deal with.

I had tough birth experience and some PPD. I feel like in addition to coming out of the PD fog, I'm coming out of the newborn fog. My baby is a toddler now. My baby was also diagnosed with a medical issue at birth and it was a rough, rough ROUGH first year to deal with that (luckily baby is doing great and all is under control. I am grateful. So grateful.).

So a few weeks ago, uPDh's behavior during that year of baby hit me like a ton of bricks - like all the emotions have been waiting for me to come up for air. Now I'm sitting here trying to manage full time job, toddler, and all of these emotions and memories of how - quite frankly - he treated me like sh*t. It was all verbal and emotional. Not even as overt as the first year or two of our marriage. But it was not the way I envisioned being treated by my husband after having a tough birth/PPD experience on top of all the regular stress of having a newborn.

I haven't discussed this recent emotional turmoil I'm feeling with him, but I guess he has noticed my distance right now and it seems his T has given him the guidance to give me space - physical and emotional. But he also seems to be insulted that he has to do it. No, he hasn't said that to me - but you know when disdain hangs in the air? He may be reaching HIS breaking point too.

We work opposite schedules so it is quite easy not to be around each other a lot. But on weekends I see him in the mornings. And today - mother's day - went like this: I wake up early every day to get baby. I woke up and saw he wrote me a nice card from the baby to be cute. Then hours later he gets up and pretty much doesn't speak to me. He told the baby to give me a hug for mother's day.

Then I went to get ready to go to the store (so I could leave the house for some peace). He barely said two words to me except to ask where I was going.

This is such a weird place to be in. I have been crying even more lately. I cried quietly this morning while my toddler sat on my lap
and watched cartoons. I've been reading older posts on the boards to try and find hope. I have seen some similar stories where people take the leap to leave and make it to the other side. I think I'm a little depressed now and feel like there is no way I can do that. I don't feel strong enough to turn everyone's lives upside down and then stand up to those who question me - not just him but family too.

[notrightinthehead]

Could it be that you are pushing yourself too much? You have a lot on your plate with a toddler with medical issues, a full time job, recovering from PPD and a difficult husband. Maybe you need to gather some strength first and check out all your options?
The longest my NPDh gave me silent treatment was 10 weeks. After the initial shock I actually started to enjoy it, I did a lot of reading and I had much opportunity to listen to my own thoughts. Once I forced myself to think less about him and more about myself, my wants, needs, hopes, dreams I felt that the silent treatment actually helped me to re-connect with myself. Maybe you could take his behaviour as an opportunity to concern yourself with what is important for your own well being.

[Blackbird11]

Notright thank you for your reply and advice. I think you are right. I need to really invest in my well-being and mental/emotional health right now. I was so scared yesterday that I was slipping back into PPD which at the time lasted for days on end. Luckily I felt much better yesterday after a few hours. Now more than ever I have to keep it together for my kid and will work on doing even more self care. I talk to my T each week too and am completely honest with them as to what Im going through. It helps to have at least one person to talk to regularly and honestly.

[symbasmommy]

First hugs to you....I used analyze and question and wonder as well.....just know it isn't you...it never was and it never will be...he couldn't take Mothers Day to be about you..in the beginning of helped me to document things and then I saw the pattern...the cycle..... ....take care of you and your baby first!