She is placing hexes on the skilled nursing staff

[alphaomega]

Found out today, from a phone call from the skilled nursing at the AL place where she is in hospice, that she is becoming increasingly more and more abusive to the staff.   Threatening them that she will haunt them, And place curses on their children, and make sure their lives become complete hell.

I was asked if they could have her evaluated by a psychiatrist, to which of course I complied.

They actually sound genuinely afraid of her. 

Does any one know what the next step is here ?  Memory support unit ?  5150 ?

I mean there is only so much these poor people can handle....

[Andeza]

I don't think I can hard enough for this one.

I don't know what the next step is, but wanted to reassure you a bit. First, they do get paid to deal with the nonsense, and while it sucks to be on the receiving end, they're not her family and it's not as personal. So please don't let yourself feel guilty, as you might be prone to in this case. It's not your fault, and you can't fix it. Also, they did choose this job. Second, sounds like the PD freak flag (thank you WI for the terminology) is flying high. Third, she can't actually do any of those things. Don't worry about that. It's the disorder or ?dementia? talking. You might, if you think it will help, tell them essentially the same thing. She can't hurt them in this life or the next, and that might ease the tension a bit.

If I were a betting person, I'd bet the mental health supplier they bring in prescribes something for her to calm her down and make life for the staff a bit easier. Take the edge off, so to speak. Might make her a happier person, really.

Ultimately, I'd encourage you to take a deep breath and know that it will work out. And, we've got your back.

[nanotech]

I would honestly try and see the funny side of this. I agree that the staff won't feel it like you   might feel it.

As Andeza has said, ' It's not your fault and you can't fix it.'

I think they've  told you what's happening so that they can ask your permission for them to bring in mental health services.
Children of PDs are already aware that their parents are mentally unwell, dementia or not, but  the staff will have dealt with other families who resist the idea (even perhaps some children of PDs still in the FOG).
So they've had to 'sell' it to you in case you were in the latter groups.
Yes, they are finding your mum hard to deal with. But she's not getting under their skin emotionally. They just know that it's better for her not to be in this agitated state all the time.
My grandma was like this (possible BPD) after she had a series of mini strokes. She didn't know who anyone was, and was rude and aggressive with the staff and with family.  She said some dreadful things.
After a while she settled and became placid, and lived for another year in care. 
My mum always said my grandma's raging was a temporary thing. but I'm inclined to think they just got her meds right in the end. Mum said it passed and her memory came back, but I think that was magical thinking. I believe that my BPD mum, who her visited every day, simply retaught her everyone's names and their relationship to her.

Our dysfunctional programming means we often still react with our sympathetic nervous system to such news
(fight or flight) and may feel the hostility is being directed at us. Even though it isn't!
Try to engage the parasympathetic nervous system ( rest and digest) .
I do this through yoga and meditation. Read Tolle's book on The Power Of Now. He's all about being unreactive. It's that taught reactivity to them, that we need to disengage from.

[Psuedonym]

Hey alphaomega,

If it makes you feel any better, once, during one of Negatron's multiple hospitalizations for Xanax toxicity (during which she had hallucinations), I got a call from the hospital in the middle of the saying they just wanted me to know that they had to restrain/sedate her, because, and I quote here: she was claiming she had been kidnapped, throwing things at the nurses, and at one point was running down the hall naked (there's a mental picture for you). Two days later she was back to 'normal' and discharged. The nurse didn't sound surprised or upset, in fact when she was admitted the doctor on duty, having witnessed this kind of thing before, said 'Well, this is going to be a fun night.' These people who work in nursing and in AL facilities – bless each and every one of them – have seen EVERYTHING. A little hexing is probably just a regular Tuesday for them.

I think nanotech and Andeza right in pointing out that the staff is just explaining to you why they want a psychiatrist to see her. As children of PDs, I think we always jump first to feeling responsible for everybody's feelings AND responsibility for the PDs behavior. I can assure you the staff isn't taking this personally and has seen a lot worse than your mother is dishing out.

[Sneezy]

A little hexing is probably just a regular Tuesday for them.

Good advice to take to heart.  We aren't responsible for hexing.  Or any of the awful things they say or do to others.  I've occasionally had to ask people to please disregard something my mom said.  It can be awkward, but it's on her, not me, and I need to remember that.