Enough is enough

[markhobbs1981]

I got disowned last year by my narcissistic father.  This happened via a text message.  I only told him that he needs to have a more positive relationship with me if he wants to see his grandson and I was hurt by his yelling at me over the phone.  He answered by saying he'd rather be with strangers than with me and my immediate family.  First he says he wants to see my son and suddenly wants to be with strangers.  So, back and forth. 
My mother defended him and played religion on me making excuses for him.  My mother was just as abusive over the phone trying to grill me over my son. 
My parents and I always had a troubled relationship full of physical, emotional, and verbal abuse.  My childhood was riddled with that.  I noticed patterns in my relationships that resemble that of my family history.  I'm married to someone of a similar background who was the scapegoat in her family.  I was the golden child. 
I went no contact with my parents and extended family too.  Extended family was cut off because of my mother in law was covertly smearing me and accusing me of things I never did.  MIL and FIL triangulates other members against me.
It's been a process. After the holidays, I fell into depression.  I'm taking it one day at a time. It helps to talk of it in forums here and plus therapy and the support of my spouse too.  It's been hard for both of us. 
The best I can say is..cutting out toxic family especially parents is the most courageous thing to do.  Majority of folks out there would just sacrifice themselves in hopes of making it better.  I believe you will thank yourself for it and eventually so will your children and so on.  I know a guy whose father had been in and out of prison his whole young life.  He went no contact.  He's all the better for it.  It gives me a sense of hope.  I'm grieving the loss of my parents still even though they're not dead.  In a way they are, to me.  Enough is enough. 

[Summer Sun]

Welcome to Out of the FOG, although I'm sorry for the circumstances which brought you here, it's very painful to go NC with parents or FOO.  We understand here at Out of the FOG, many of us are NC as a last resort for self protection.

You may want to change your name here at Out of the FOG if it in any way identifies you as your privacy is improrta t to protect.

You will find this community very supportive and the resources excellent.  Have a look at the traits, behaviors, the what to do, what. It to do.  Knowledge is empowering and others experiences in the forums is validating, it is helpful to know we are not alone. 

It's good you have a T and support of your spouse.  Self care now is important, surround yourself with those who value you and if you can, find ways to nurture yourself in ways meaningful to you.

Wishing you strength, support, kindness and all the love you deserve for the journey.

Summer Dun

[xredshoesx]

i feel you-

i've been NC with my biological mother since i was 21 and my uncle/half brother and his family since i was 27-  it's been a lifetime of peace considering what it was like the first half of my life.  take it day by day and one step at a time.  since you have a son, you are showing him a better way to be so he can grow up free of the kind of chaos and heartache we endured as children.

best to you and hope to see you on the boards soon