Gutted

[Liketheducks]

Last night my youngest brother took his life.  My mother had been with him and his family for the last week...and had planned through the holidays.   He was on anti-anxiety/anti-depressants.  We don't know if the dosage was off or he was adjusting.   There was a family row.  Money troubles in the marriage, etc. There usually are around the holidays when my mom is involved.   

I'm here with his family and my mom.   My mom, who is bearing the weight of knowing that all three of her children were suicidal at some time without being able to say anything helpful to his poor wife and two young girls.   He left them.   I HOPE he has some relief and peace now.

Please, please, please.......don't make a permanent consequence out of this....though this is so tough around the holidays, particularly.   Everyone one of us is worthy.   Everyone of us is beautiful.   Everyone of us is stardust.   You have love all around you.   Even from random strangers on a blog.   

[Poison Ivy]

I'm very sorry about your brother. Suicide is gut-wrenching and heartbreaking.

[Happypants]

Liketheducks, I'm so sorry to read this.  Sending hugs x

[NarcKiddo]

I am so very sorry.

[moglow]

That's just awful for all of you and I'm so very sorry for your loss, Liketheducks. I can't even imagine what you're feeling or how to help you through. Just know that we're here with you when you need to talk.

[Blueberry Pancakes]

Liketheducks - my thoughts are with you. I am so sorry for your loss.   

[Cat of the Canals]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Liketheducks.

Please, please, please.......don't make a permanent consequence out of this....

We lost my husband's younger brother a few years ago, and I think about this all the time. I will wonder for the rest of my life what might have happened if he'd just hung on for another minute, another hour, another day. Would the pain he'd thought was so unbearable have ebbed -- even a little -- but enough for him to carry on? It's hard to fathom how a split second decision can have such permanent repercussions.

[frogjumpsout]

Liketheducks, I am so sorry. This is awful and I don't really have words. I'm struck by the care and compassion in your post for all the others around you, and I hope you're getting support, too, and getting some time alone if that's helpful.

[blacksheep7]

Liketheducks,

I'm so sorry for your loss.  Suicide is always a  heart-breaking one.

[nanotech]

I'm just so sorry about your brother. I'm sending my thoughts to you. I wish I could do more. Remember to be really gentle with yourself at this difficult time. XxxxX

[SonofThunder]

Liketheducks,

So very sorry to read of the loss of your brother to suicide.  Prayerful thoughts to your/his entire family. 

SoT

[sunshine702]

This is awful.  In am so sorry.  Big hugs.!!   

This time of year always worries me.  I wish I could just take a small quiet walk with you.  I am in my mind.

[wisingup]

Like the Ducks - I'm sending loving & supportive thoughts your way for the days ahead.  Please come here often to let up help you if we can.  Remember to care for yourself too while you care for his family.  Big warm hugs.

[doglady]

My condolences. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[walking on broken glass]

I am so sorry, like the ducks. Please look after yourself during this difficult time. We are here for you

[atticusfinch]

liketheducks,

I can't imagine how devastated you are right now. Even though I'm a stranger on the internet, I am just so, so sorry for your loss and am sending you all the love across space. We are here for you whenever you need to talk or vent or grieve. Hang in there <3<3<3

[Liketheducks]

Just terrible.   Thing is, I'm certain that my mother's presence likely exacerbated his issues.   He was the last of us three siblings who was still enmeshed.  Now, in her grief, she's turning on me.   I have a few days here before I'll leave for my husband's family.   Pray for peace. 

[atticusfinch]

I can't imagine how hard it must be to think about how your mom may have contributed to his mental health worsening. My mom externalizes all her pain too. I hope you can find peace (even if you have to take a break from her at times?). I will definitely pray for you. <3

[notrightinthehead]

I am so sorry for your loss.

You know the stages of grief. What helped me in a similar situation, was just watching myself like a little scientist, which stage of grief am I in right now? They change and the intensity fluctuates. It helped me to focus on my feelings and keep an unenmeshed stance with the others. At the same time it allowed me to remain kind, loving and patient with them.

I am sorry you have to deal with this pain, sending you a big hug.

[Call Me Cordelia]

I don't have words, other than I am so, so, sorry. Prayers for peace, for sure.