Cut All Contact with PDex ... Now what?

[BefuddledClarity]

Hello, I recently cut all contact with PDex yesterday. I have full custody and was allowing visitations and overnight with son. However, everytime his father is angry with ME, he abandons son. Usually that anger stems from him being angry at his own family, and then he takes it out on me...

Son is still a toddler...
He would also miss important appointment (ex..speech therapy) and son ended up getting kicked out of the program because ex would promise to take him but didn't. He also NEVER calls off work when son is sick NOR does he take in son on his off days while son is sick, so regardless, I'm always calling out and taking care of son, because his father cannot be bothered to. He's very petty...

Anyways, I recently got something similar to restraining order against him yesterday, but it does not go into affect for son, only me...

I thought per documents, since ex fired his attorney and almost NEVER attend juvenile court, that meant I get to decide for visitations or not?

There is supposedly secondary court called "family court". My attorney was not very good at helping to explain it, and I never got it set up...

My ex doesn't pay child support (and frankly, I don't really care if he does, because he's non-existent).

He also gets mad too, if he tries to make moves on me, and I deny him...

He'll go a week without seeing son, then BEG me to see him, saying he's doing coke again and doing bad when he doesn't have son...

I'm just done...

Is there something else I should do now that he's completely cut off?...
Just want to make sure I don't get screwed over in some way...

I'm hoping to move out of older brother's house too, so ex doesn't try pulling up randomly (but I do have that restraining order for a reason).

I don't want to have a "weak" moment and feel sorry for him.

I'm also not in the best spot, considering I'm in-between jobs, and currently broke...it's a long story... So he'll try and bait me saying he'll "help", and he does, only momentarily...

[Poison Ivy]

Hi, BefuddledClarity. It's good that you got the restraining order.

I have a few questions about your situation. Were you married to your ex? If yes, are you now divorced? Is he the father of your son? Is there a court order that gives you full custody?

[hhaw]

BC:

My experience with TRO is....you lose it if you don't enforce it 100%.

You lose credibility if you waffle and send mixed messages.

You lose the ability to be heard in the Court system if you can't be consistent with messaging to protect yourself.

You need a TRO or you don't.  Once you're "weak" the Court will assume you didn't need the TRO and lied to get it.

For yourself, hold the line, follow the TRO to a tee and enforce it like your life depends on it to bring about the best possible outcome for you and your son.

Take the above advice with a grain of salt as I don't know your entire story.

I do, however, know where failing to hold boundaries/TROs leads to, and it's always been downhill for me.

Believe you're strong enough to resist your ex and follow the instincts leading to the TRO.

Best of luck. 

[BefuddledClarity]

Hi, BefuddledClarity. It's good that you got the restraining order.

I have a few questions about your situation. Were you married to your ex? If yes, are you now divorced? Is he the father of your son? Is there a court order that gives you full custody?

No, never got married. Yes, biological father of son, and yes full custody granted at beginning of this year. I was a bit confused if I'm still supposed to allow visitations or if I need to set that up through a different court?

BC:

My experience with TRO is....you lose it if you don't enforce it 100%.

You lose credibility if you waffle and send mixed messages.

You lose the ability to be heard in the Court system if you can't be consistent with messaging to protect yourself.

You need a TRO or you don't.  Once you're "weak" the Court will assume you didn't need the TRO and lied to get it.

For yourself, hold the line, follow the TRO to a tee and enforce it like your life depends on it to bring about the best possible outcome for you and your son.

Take the above advice with a grain of salt as I don't know your entire story.

I do, however, know where failing to hold boundaries/TROs leads to, and it's always been downhill for me.

Believe you're strong enough to resist your ex and follow the instincts leading to the TRO.

Best of luck. 

This is good advice and makes sense.
I told him the day before I was going to set one up and not bother me. It's called an "Order of Protection", similar to a restraining order pretty much since he committed DV.

I'm just confused about the situation, as I am not sure if legally I can prevent him from seeing son based in visitation rights despite having full custody...so if he wants to see son, I'll forced to be around ex...

He also has all son's shoes... I've been having to put him in slippers for daycare but...

I guess...I'll wait till I get new job and get him some new things. I'm currently unemployed (long story), however, I live in an area where there is always employment and I'm still waiting on my tax money.

I know ex is using this stuff as a static to try and make me crawl back while I'm down, but I won't fall for it.

I blocked ex's phone # and email, so he cannot contact me anymore.
Hoping once I'm employed again, to move out of older bros place ASAP so ex can't find me, and also seek out a new daycare too...

I'll stay strong for little one.

[Poison Ivy]

Thanks for answering my questions. Family laws vary among states (and countries). Many U.S. states have organizations or agencies that will provide answers to a few legal questions at no charge. I suggest that you do an online search to find out whether your state or country has such resources and then make a call.

[BefuddledClarity]

Thanks for answering my questions. Family laws vary among states (and countries). Many U.S. states have organizations or agencies that will provide answers to a few legal questions at no charge. I suggest that you do an online search to find out whether your state or country has such resources and then make a call.

I'll definitely look into that, thanks for your help!