Why am I being abused. And why doesn’t he care

[Heathums4]

So I've decided after years of emotional and mental abuse I am leave my NEXF (hope my abbreviations are right.) I've had enough. We recently had a baby together and he is 4 months old. I help also care for his daughter  who is 10 and is solely in his custody. I make a majority of the money but he helps to.

Long story short I decided to leave when his anger kept getting bigg and bigger, he told me to get raped and die. Telling me I'm better off that way. I'm ugly my make up looks like shit. I'm flabby (after two kids). I'm a slut, I'm a whore. Everything. Saying his friends hate me. No one likes me. The house is in his name. I've called the cops many times on him for verbal abuse but they don't do anything since it's not physical.

Here is where it gets complicated. A majority of the furniture is mine! But I don't want to take everything and leave his 10 year old daughter to suffer also. I also have an 11 years and a baby. What do I do? I'm torn. I need to move out, and I need my stuff. But how could I be so cruel to to that to his child who is already going to be suffering from this seperation. Her and my daughter are like sisters.  Idk what to. Please help. Please

I asked what I did wrong to deserve this he said it was because I don't know when to shut the fuck up.

[Latchkey]

Hi Heathums4 and welcome,

It's important to be safe first then worry about furniture later. If he is allowing you into the home to take the furniture then take just what you need and bring a friend or relative that you trust to help you move. If not, then cutting your losses is best.

I was married twice to men with PDs and had had 2Ds from my first marriage but I had to move away from full time caretaker of my step kids where the PD Dad had custody. It was hard but ultimately I had to regroup. If you fear for the child's safety then getting authorities involved is important.  I was able to maintain some r/s with them as they are the half siblings to my child. Hopefully you can do the same. Take your time. Can you find a therapist or counselor to help you as you transition out of the relationship with both your N and his D12.

Also, if you have not left yet or even if you have, here are some links that might help:

Put Children First
Leaving Checklist
Abusive Cycle

Hope this helps and looking forward to hearing more of your story.



Latchkey

[Starboard Song]

Latchkey is correct: safety first.

You identified two conflicts with moving out:

1. A lack of furniture
There is a price tag on furniture. Suffer a little: leave more behind than you otherwise might. You can leave a sparsely furnished home, have one like it, and buy your way back into furniture sufficiency as resources allow.

2. His daughter and your own are like sisters
Those daughters, at that age, will be fine. The shame is that anyone must be left behind. They can be in touch on social media, and hopefullly can visit a lot.

You need a lot of support from FOC: a dear friend to be by your side with this. There are so many more issues than those two, I know. So be strong and realize that you do not deserve this. You deserve far better. And you are now called upon to do some very hard work. And you have wonderful children who will all thank you for it.