"You look tired" is NEVER a compliment

[Sneezy]

Sigh . . . such a wonderful week.  Kids are home, niece and nephew are visiting, Thanksgiving dinner is in the oven, the house smell wonderful!  Yes, yes, yes, I have so much to be thankful for.  I'm even thankful that I had to iron a tablecloth (for the first time in two years!!!).

Then I went to pick up mom to bring her over to my house for a nice, family Thanksgiving.  As she came out to my car, I got out to help her.  She stopped dead in her tracks, a big dramatic look of horror on her face.  "Ooooohhhhh, Sneezy, you look sooooooo tired!!!"  I replied that I felt fine.  But no, she had to go on and on about how I had (in her mind) "been through so much this past week" and "just look exhausted."  She just can't let up.  Ok, I finally snapped and said "well, you look like crap, too, now let's get going to dinner."

Why?  Why does she have to insert her negative insults into every happy occasion?

Just ranting.  I still have so much to be thankful for.  Happy Thanksgiving to all of you out there who are celebrating (or medium chilling your way through)! 

[Boat Babe]

Total solidarity Sneezy. Have a fabulous Thanksgiving.

[Psuedonym]

Sneezy, I had to log in just to reply to your post!

Every time, I mean every time I went over to Negatron's, first words out of her mouth would be: 'you look tired'. Every. $#@!ing. Time. Always followed by: I'm worried that you're working too much.

Master of the passive aggressive insult there. I heard it so often that it really took me a while to realize it was an insult. They really are totally unoriginal aren't they?

I hope you had a great Thanksgiving in spite of her!!

[Sneezy]

Thanks Boat Babe and Psuedonym - Thanksgiving turned out just fine!  It seemed like once Mom got her bad feelings out, she was ok for the rest of the day    It bothers her that I had a good week with family and so she lashed out.  Par for the course with her, unfortunately.

[SunnyMeadow]

Saying "you look so tired" must be in the NPD handbook too.

Mine interrupts me in mid-sentence to say have you always had that bump on your face? Do you think you'll ever get it fixed?   Or mentions that I got my father's wrinkles because she certainly doesn't have them like I do! Nice huh? 

[Andeza]

Yup, every time she saw me "You look tired!" "Oh, gee, thanks mom, I'm only working 60+ hours a week."

My favorite was the undying accusation "Did you dye your hair?" Said in disbelief and disgust. No. Always no. I have never died my hair apart from a single highlight I put in once for kicks and giggles. I have the gray hair to prove it too, lol. Why she would sound disgusted I have no idea, because she dyed her hair all the time until it thinned out so much she got too scared to do it anymore.

[Cat of the Canals]

It bothers her that I had a good week with family and so she lashed out.  Par for the course with her, unfortunately.

I'd take it as a compliment, then... it sounds like what really threatened her was that you were glowing with happiness. 

[Boat Babe]

I'm sorry to hear that Sneezy, it's so sneaky isn't it. My mother does similar, with such concern in her voice and her head to one side, radiating "sympathy". She always links it to me working too hard or to my advancing age. She even remembers past episodes of me looking like crap from years ago, bringing up times when I had bad skin due to stress. "Yes, poor BB, you had spots all over your chin. You work soooooo hard." Followed by a deep sigh.

[Hilltop]

Its so annoying and if you say something back, they then get all hurt and say "I'm only concerned for you, you are so sensitive".

I remember my sister once visiting years ago and her first comment was how everyone looked so old.  I remember laughing because yes time had passed and it never occurred to her that she also looked older but in her eyes she was perfect.  Its nauseating.

My mother would also do this if life was good for me and I enjoyed something, sure enough an insult was coming just to bring me down.  Yep you had a lovely week so bring on the insults and then when she got a reaction, she's happy as she got under your skin.  My mother loved that reaction, if I didn't react, she drove harder and harder to get that reaction.  Its blah.

[Sneezy]

Wow, I had no idea this was such a common theme with our PD moms.  I suppose it could be worse.  Mom once told my sister that she had "saggy bat wings" for arms.  I don't know how Sis took that insult without lashing out.  It was just so nasty.  MIL is the same.  The last time my SIL went to visit our uHMIL, MIL greeted her with "oh my, you've gotten huge!"  I don't think either my Mom or my MIL understand that 1. Looks fade, 2. Looks really don't matter, and 3. No one cares what they think about our looks.  They need to get over themselves, but they never will.

[bee well]

Seems like the same same stuff goes on all over the world. So sad but it's comforting to commisurate!

A friend of MIL's stopped talking to her (forever) after MIL ran into her in the store after not seeing her for a while,  and told her how old she had gotten. MIL still thinks the friend over reacted and doesn't understand what is wrong with her.

When we visit MIL she tells DH how horrible the dark circles are under his eyes, and how he needs to take care of himself. When he's thinner she wonders if he gets enough to eat, and proceeds to load up his plate. If he gains weight she pinches his love handles, then proceeds to load up his plate...   (it's more often than not taken as an offense when we don't eat what and how much she wants us to)...Not to mention her passive and not so passive aggressive treatment of me.

Laughing out loud at Pseudonym's description. "Negatron!" Sounds like some automated cartoon nemesis, except it's real. That about sums it up.

I'll remember this before our next visit, maybe it'll help to remember how pathetic it is and laugh at the absurdity of it all. (Hard to do I know, but it helps.)

[p123]

OMG  I get that too.....
After I've worked all day, fed the kids, got his groceries then driven 30 mins to deliver them at 9pm!!!!!

The other day he even criticised that "shouldn't do that - you need a rest" when he found out my 8 yr old daughers ice skating is at 7am on a Saturday morning.
In other words, "dont tire yourself so much you can't serve me"