Need to Vent.. Is it a flying monkey?.. What to do next?

[littlemisssunshine]

I pretty much decided that i want nothing to do with my parents and GC sister last year you know the finally straw that really breaks the camels back. So haven't spoken to my sister in about 6 years and my parents at Christmas when i lost it with them and told them i never want to speak to or see them again.

Fast forward to now and my NM cousins son, reaches out to me on Facebook at the weekend as he wants to tell me something, i invite him round as we are still speaking albeit we never really bother with each other, i wouldn't say we were close, he is my fathers godchild and they are closer. When he comes round he tells me he is a transvestite and loves wearing ladies clothes, he has no plans to transition to be a female and is not gay. To be honest i am a bit flummoxed by all this as i say we are not close and i'm not sure why he told me all this (maybe i should be flattered that he feels safe enough to tell me this he says he hasn't told his parents).

Anyway i am trying to be supportive but feel unsettled at how close he is to my parents and GC sister who he is quoting to do some building work for, he told me this (i don't want to know about my family and i asked no questions about my family at all). I want to manage this relationship at a friendly gray rock supportive distance if that is possible.

My husband on the other hand has asked if my cousin would like to come on holiday with us later in the year, without asking me first (we already had it booked) and my cousin has booked the time of work and is now coming round at the weekend to book it up.

I am furious, i want to be supportive but i do not want to spend my sacred holiday away with him, i do not want to have to worry that every little thing i say will be reported back to my foo and then critisized. The f*** it all part of me wants to not care about this but i do.

What to do? Sorry if i sound like a spoilt little madam, but we only holiday once a year away and to me its a little safe haven of a couple of weeks of get away from it all.

[Starboard Song]

Your story has so many complexities.

I sure hope you can take the time to separate them.

1. It sounds to me that your annual holiday is a special time you want to protect: from everyone

I encourage you to take some time to really think this out. Who would be the least controversial person your DH could have invited without asking? Would that still have bothered you? I think the answer is yes. To the extent it would have bothered you to have even a noncontroversial guest added, this isn't about NC and Flying Monkeys. To that extent, it is a simple wire-crossing between you and DH, about respecting the special time of your holiday.

Think through that, and maybe you and DH can talk about how it was a mistake to invite anyone at all without talking about it together.


2. You are concerned that this cousin is a particular threat, as he may report back to the FOO.

Your cousin it seems has asked off from work but hasn't yet booked reservations. So nothing is committed and maybe it is not too late to undo this. Let's say it is not too late.

Did answering question 1 resolve this? Do you simply want private, immediate family time? I could sell the heck out of that. "Bob, I'm sorry. I know we got you all worked up, and we don't want to disappoint you, but we've thought about it more and realized how important it is that we have this one special time more alone. Cousins are great too, though. Can you come round for a long weekend another time?" It is a hard conversation to start, but easier to finish and he's likely to understand. If you follow through immediately with backup options, the feeling of rejection can be overcome.

I say all this assuming he isn't a flying monkey. It is too easy to think everyone is a FM, and that just lets the bad guys rob us of all our connections.

Uh oh. What if it is too late? Well, hells bells, then. Make the best of it, assume the best of him, and have a great time.

I hope you and DH have a great conversation, and he is flattered for your desire for down time with him, more alone. I hope he'll understand that his heart was in the right place, but that these are things you need to do together.

Good luck!

[nanotech]

This is what they often do. They  use an unwitting member of our family of choice, to trample our boundaries and gain access to us.
Your cousin may be aware, or not.

If you're already uncomfortable about it, how is it going to be any sort of holiday for you?

Kris Godinez is someone to google if you haven't already. She says,

'"Anyone who is 'Switzerland' , is a flying monkey."

Good luck 😉 with this one. Xxxxxxxxx