Tonight, I have no doubt

bohemian butterfly · July 04, 2019, 06:14:34 PM

I'm so upset right now.

I'm sitting in the waiting room at Patient First because I think I have a bladder infection.

My boyfriend and I were supposed to go to a friend's cook-out this evening. Right as we were getting ready to leave, I stopped by the restroom and immediately knew (any female who has had a uti knows and remembers the pain). I went outside and told my boyfriend that I thought I had a bladder infection and that I'd probably not go to the cookout and needed to go to Patient First. He immediately started questioning me. He asked me how I got it? Was I sure? Did I just not want to go? I answered "of course not! I am in pain, it came on quick!" I then told him to go ahead and enjoy himself. He was totally exasperated and huffed and said that he'd been looking forward to this all day. He then asked if I'd take him somewhere to eat before I went to the doctor!!!! I was like, no I gotta go now! And left. So here I sit, all alone. I was looking for a sign and I got it. This guy only cares about himself. I'm so upset. I had a goal of being out by the 20th. Well it just got bumped up to either this weekend or next. I have to have the time to get my remaining belongings and animals out.

The look of anger and resentment on his face as I was leaving. I even heard myself apologize to him (but i know I shouldn't have to apologize for being sick!!)

As I sit and wait in the waiting room, I just keep seeing his face. Such disgust and resentment and frustration. He acted like I sabotaged his life.

So upsetting

cant turn back · July 04, 2019, 07:09:10 PM

How dare you feel sick and need immediate medical care and ruin his day.. not even considerate enough to go eat with him before going to the doctor.

Ugh these people. SO selfish and immature. Nothing exists outside of their feelings/what they want. It's truly unbelievable.. unless you live it.

Beware, he sees you getting stronger, not giving in to his every demand. None of that bodes well for him. He is going to ramp up his hoover game and put on his good guy/caring mask.
Count on it.

Meanwhile, keep making your plans, getting your stuff as you can. Your sanctuary awaits you.

bohemian butterfly · July 04, 2019, 07:51:18 PM

Cant turn back,

Definitely had a bladder infection. Got meds and came home. Totally different story when I got back home. He was like "I'm soooo glad you got meds so that you can feel better soon! "

I played along and said, "yeah, total bummer that we missed the cookout!"

His response "oh, no worries! We'll just have an early night, you need to get better."

What the heck???!! If I wasn't on this forum and reading about PDs, I would have thought I'd lost my mind.

I've got his number now.

Poison Ivy · July 04, 2019, 08:25:00 PM

I hope you feel better very soon, bohemian butterfly.

11JB68 · July 04, 2019, 10:16:31 PM

He asked you how you got it? What kind of question is that....uPDh asks me things like that, questions with no answer...
Once ds hit his head and split his eyebrow open (3 yo) i was ready to take himto the er (uPDh at work or in way home, before cell phones) when updh arrived home so I said oh good you can come, I didn't really want to go alone....ok but first we had to wait for him to: use the bathroom, change his clothes, have a cigarette.... Ugh...his3yo din was bleeding...

Boat Babe · July 05, 2019, 06:34:35 AM

They hate it when we get sick.
My ex was vile no to .me after I was taken to the hospital by ambulance when I had a major allergic reaction to a wasp sting. Berated me all the way back from hospital. I broke up with him the same day and he couldn't understand why. All my fault apparently.
Good luck with your move hun xxx

sevenyears · July 06, 2019, 11:27:05 AM

BButterfly - I hope that you are feeling better. It sucks being sick and it sucks even more when our partners are impatient and unkind to us. Several years ago my now stbx uocpdh and I were supposed to fly overseas with our toddler to see my family for holidays. He was looking forward to buying cheap jeans for his brother during the trip. I was pregnant and incredibly ill. One night, a few days before our departure, the blood vessels in my eyes popped from so much vomiting, so I asked him to drive me to the hospital - he refused because he didn't want us to miss our trip if I had to stay in the hospital (and, it seemed to me, because he really wanted to buy cheap jeans). He offered instead to buy me some protein drinks the next morning when the stores opened. Did he buy me protein drinks? No. So, I ordered a taxi to take me to the hospital. He insisted on driving me and coming to ER with me, even though I didn't want him around at this point. His only reason for coming was to tell the doctors I only needed some energy drinks and that they had to release me so that we (read: he) could travel to my parents. It turned out I was really dehydrated due to extreme morning sickness and had to stay in the hospital several nights. I went directly to the airport upon being released (against the dr's better judgement, although he did release me at the insistence of my H). My sickness was all about him and his plans, not really about my health or the health of our baby. It's like you said, they feel our sickness sabotages them. uuggghhh.

Empie2204 · July 07, 2019, 02:26:55 AM

Bohemian butterfly and sevenyears: everything you described about your cases of sickness fits in the pattern.

I have experienced the same lately when I got a serious both lung+urinary infection: doubt in my health troubles, reluctance to drive me to the hospital, behavior in the hospital (trying to be better doctor than the doctors), accusing me of being only one week on a sick leave: just because I said I don´t feel strong enough for one journey that he planned. (If I don´t feel OK, I should have stayed at home longer.) Mind you, he didn´t want me to enjoy on this journey, he wanted me to be his helper in doing some business.

Once, when I seriously hurt my ankle, he didn´t leave his work (it was really nothing important that somebody else couldn´t have done), he sent someone who served as an errand boy to take me home. I went to the hospital only late in the afternoon, when his majesty came home.
Besides, such things repeated before. Selfish, selfish, selfish ...

And you know what: it IS true that I put up with all this (and even more) because of the fact I´m an empath, people pleaser and codependant. Luckily for me, people pleasing and codependency are slowly retreating. Too slowly, but still.
What struck me, was my revelation about myself that part of my letting him do this was in the fact that I felt sorry for him. I sensed he was immature, hurt, broken and all that and I did what I did out of pity. I just didn´t own the tools to see it.

bohemian butterfly · July 09, 2019, 08:39:40 AM

Thank you everyone for your replies and I am so sorry that you guys have experienced this as well.

I am feeling much better now, thank you so much!

After I got home, he acted somewhat concerned (he said "glad you got some medication") and has asked me how I've been feeling/am I still taking my medication? for the past two days.

I have entered the love bombing of the push/pull phase and it is really really tough. I will post another thread on this subject.

bigchanges · July 09, 2019, 08:46:20 AM

It's great that everyone here is educating themselves on love bombing. Honestly, it feels like the more I know about it and experience it, the less authentic their love bombing efforts feel. I almost can't believe it's true any longer. I think that's a sign of getting stronger.

bohemian butterfly · July 09, 2019, 10:11:46 AM

Quote from: bigchanges on July 09, 2019, 08:46:20 AM
It's great that everyone here is educating themselves on love bombing. Honestly, it feels like the more I know about it and experience it, the less authentic their love bombing efforts feel. I almost can't believe it's true any longer. I think that's a sign of getting stronger.

I think the love bombing (along with the abuse amnesia) is the hardest part of all of this. Not only is there this hope that they have changed, but there is this belief (at least with me) that I was overreacting and that there is/was something wrong with me. Over and over I ride this merry-go-round. I get dizzy and my stomach hurts, but I stay on that carousal horse and continue to go around and around because of the hypnotic lullaby and the consistency of the ride (even though that consistency is going up and down and around and around, going nowhere). I get cotton candy at times and later I retch. I get cotton candy again and I feel relieved (even though a moment ago I got sick)