Dreading Mother's Day

[The New Me!]

Hi,

Not been on here for a long time.

I'm really struggling with the fact that Mother's Day is fast approaching.  Feel under pressure to send a card with all the adverts on TV, looking in shop windows, etc, etc.  I'm not sending a card, but I just feel so sad.  They're taking my son out this week - which is quite coincidental - I'm at work so I won't be round the house.

I just hate these occasions and wondered from other people's perspective, does it get any easier with time?

[Starboard Song]

It does.

My mom gets a double-dose of love since my MIL decided to reject me and my wife. My wife has also contacted mom's of long-time friends on Mother's Day to let them know what they meant to her growing up.

And most importantly, my DW is a mother herself, and well worth celebrating herself.

It has been easier each year. This will be the fourth time we pass on Mother's Day for my MIL. We both still have tremendous sympathy for her hurt: for she hurts. But we know it is beyond our power to heal that hurt, and irresponsible to resume contact as she is.

Be strong. Be good.

[coyote]

The holidays, any of them, were very hard after my divorce. It has gotten much easier over time. On thing that has helped a lot is creating new traditions around different holidays with new friends and FOC.

[Jenny134]

Hello, I dont know if it gets any easier, I only went VVLC with my mother in October 2018 and have exchanged Christmas cards since (not in person), but I totally sympathise.

For at least a month leading up to mothers day and her birthday on 28th March I feel like Ive been getting sucked right back into the fog. My anxiety has been extreme and ive been unwell every day. And now after the events have passed I feel deflated and depressed.

My gut was to send nothing. She has turned the whole family against me with her lies. In the end I sent cards and vouchers and wished her a happy birthday on facebook. Her response was cold and contrasted so badly to the responses to other family members that I closed my fb account. I might add that the people she was gushing to on fb are the same family members she has spent the last decades destroying behind their backs.

Since then she has text to thank me for the mothers day card/gift in a totally different manner using words like 'love' and lots of xxx.
What is that all about. Turns it on and off like the tap?

Anyway next year I hope to be strong and send nothing, but who knows. She just turned 75 and is frail, think that is why i gave in.

She then sent a card with money in for my sons bd at the weekend. I let him have it, but havent thanked her. So that will be the latest gossip!

What i find helps is reminding myself that whilst she sends a nice text, what she isnt actually doing is saying she is sorry or trying to make a menze.

[The New Me!]

I totally sympathise with what you're saying too.  I did send a Mother's Day card in the end and telephoned her that weekend.  Straightaway my mood dipped, felt guilty and a little depressed.  They can definitely spark these unhealthy feelings and it's so hard to deal with.  Part of me wants to see her, but another part of me knows it will make me a lesser person if I do.  I think keeping her at arms length and having VLC is the only way I can cope, well in a round about way anyway!