Writing a letter or not?

[Leonor]

Hi Marlena,

You know, there is no real answer, except the one that feels right to.you, for you.

The bad news is, you can't do it "right." There's no magic words that will turn a lightbulb on in their heads. They won't have an epiphany, or snap out of it. They won't get it.

The good news is, though, that you can't do it "wrong," either. You can pour your heart out in an email, send Hallmark cards, yell into the phone, handwrite your autobiography, blame them for everything, forgive them for everything, it's all okay. No one was ever hurt by someone else's hurt feelings. (That's just a story they tell you when you're too little to know better.)

All of the lovely advice here is meant to help you get clear in what you want to say, why you want to say it, and how you want to say it ... As opposed to telling them what they want or ought or need to hear. You do you.