Thought I Could Be Around Him

[Kat54]

My sisters birthday was today and my family  all got together to celebrate a Milestone birthday..,My son and ExPDh came. Texted them both and said to please come for her birthday. My sister, god bless her,  has walked the tightrope and has kept a good relationship with my Ex for my children's sake. He tends to cut people out of his life when things aren't going his way. He has no relationship with 5 of his 8 siblings.
Crazy as it is, I am living right behind my house in my other sisters summer
cottage.
Just saying, 2-3 hours with him while I think I can do it and I'm in the moment OK. Left early and jumped into bed and cried my eyes out.
Why do I feel like I have PTSD?  Seriously.. it was all I could do and not leave even earlier. I had a brief conversation with him about our daughter and she's in her last few weeks of college. She out of money so I send a little of what I can. He's sending thousands as he says, And it never ends!  Wow ok...
I knew conversing with him was a bad idea. Trying to be polite and my instinct Is keep it all good.
Coming to realize I really really can't hang around him. My life as upside down as it is right now, not having a home.  Living in my sisters summer cottage. I am so happy and content. Being homeless is a cake walk than living with him. He was very verbally and emotionally abusive in our marriage. Physically a little with our kids.
On the other side I'm sad sad sad. The things I can't get past. His discard of me was huge. 
So...2 hours with him and spiraling into depression in one day. 
Maybe but it's me, my feelings, how my gut feels.  Don't know m...all I know is I'm living far far away from him.
Hope they see him for what he really is.

[Spygirl]

This happens to.me too. It must be part of the conditioning and brainwashing we go thru, and frankly volunteer for. It goes away a day or two later.

I have less trouble now than i did at the beginning, but still- i also want to be far away. I think i will really heal then.

[Kat54]

Spygirl, you are right. Goes away within a couple days, and it did. So glad it's easier, as a year ago it was not. As I've talked through this In my head I realize once all ties are cut it will get even better. I can't wait!

[notrightinthehead]

I also found that seeing him after a year - just for a few minutes really - send me in a downwards spiral. The worst emotion though was the helpless rage, I woke up in the middle of the night, unable to go back to sleep, because I felt furious with him for treating me the way he did and myself for - as Spygirl says - volunteering to be treated in such a way. It took me three days to snap out of it, what a happy day when I no longer felt enraged!
I am so glad that we can share our journey of recovery here.