Thanks to pd experience

[Associate of Daniel]

I've been reflecting lately on how my experiences with uNPD exH and his uNPD wife have actually been helpful for me.

Over the years since he left, I've had many and various conversations with other people who are struggling with people in their lives who, it would appear, are also pd - diagnosed or undiagnosed.  So that's one thing.

But perhaps more important than that is the confidence it has brought to me personally.

I first realised it about 5 and a half years ago at me dad's 80th birthday.  His career was in the entertainment industry, so the big party that we held for him had many famous/reknowned actors, directors, producers, directors etc attending.  I made a speech.  It was the first time I'd done any such thing in front of my family, let alone in front of anyone such as those listed above.

I think I was still in the healing phase of not trusting anyone - at all - so I probably simply didn't care what anyone thought of me or my speech.  But nonetheless, I was rather astounded that I managed to do it.

Then the other day, I made a prepared (by me) statement at a meeting that was regarding a  very serious matter in a community I belong to.  (Nothing illegal or immoral but very serious.)

I spent many days preparing the 3 minute statement. It involved reading through a couple of lengthy "legal" documents, filtering out the irrelevant and the legal fluff.  Then formulating a response to one of the many proposals, observations regarding the rest of them, a statement of opinion regarding the sentence that had been handed down, a declaration of the consequences of that sentence and an acknowledgement of the work and sacrifice of the individual who had come under sentence.  I'm not directly involved in the situation but I am one of the many that it affects.

I was able to see through the word salad and hypocrisy of the "legal" documents and come up with a statement that was free from heat, stuck to the facts and didn't get caught up on anything tangential.

If it weren't for my experience with my uNPDs, I would never have composed or performed either of those speeches.  I would never have put myself forward to even do it.

The meeting the other day not only saw me making my prepared speech (reading from a device, what's more!  I'm usually a pen and paper gal but my wizbang computer is too much of a snob to talk to my not so wizbang printer.), but it saw me standing up a few more times with no preparation, to respond to the goings on of what was a very turbulent and fraught meeting.

So, I'm thankful for the awful, crazy, painful experiences with my uNPDs.  I'm becoming more confident to stand up for myself and for what I believe.

All my life I've been told that I'm not smart, that I wouldn't understand, that I'm not capable, that I'm too sensitive.  And I've believed those negative messages.  I think I'm finally taking responsibility for myself.  I think I might be smarter than I realise.  In fact the community whose meeting I spoke at the other day requested to use my statement as the basis of the formal letter of complaint that they (we) are preparing.

Who knew?

AOD

[escapingman]

That is great, well done AoD.

Yes it certainly is a life skill we didn't really want to learn to have PD's in our lifes. I have learnt so much from living together with STBX uNPDw. I can filter through things much better, when I get an email I just respond to the relevant bits - if there are any complaints or blames that is irrelevant I just ignore it. Nothing bad comes out of it, I have learnt I don't have to defend myself against any perceived criticism (which often has been made up in my head reading between the lines).

What STBX also thought me, although not her but living with her, is that my FOO is also toxic and unhealthy for me. That was probably the best lesson I gained from the marriage with her.

Again, well done AoD!

[SonofThunder]

I second EM.  "well done AoD"!!

I believe your mindfulness perspective; the ability to rise above and look at your experiences from end-to-end are indicators of such good emotional health.  Add to that your ability to find/make good results come from such horrible experiences is also a sign of outstanding health. 

Thank you for sharing your optimistic viewpoint and for telling your story of such strength and determination.  You stated your family is in the entertainment industry; the story business.  Its actually your true story AoD, that should be receiving the awards; the types of truth that is steadily making its way around the world through these types of outlets such as Out of the FOG. 

The real award for documentary truth goes to.......🥁 AoD!  🏆🏆

SoT

[Associate of Daniel]

Ha ha!  Thanks, SoT.

I had a realisation the other day too.  I may not have an IQ.  (As far as I know I've never had my IQ tested.  And on a humorous note, several years ago I found a library book full of IQ questions.  I couldn't answer any of them.  I'm either dead or don't exist.). ... But I think I have a high EQ.

And I'm starting to think that is far more important than an IQ of any description.

AOD

[SonofThunder]

Ha ha!  Thanks, SoT.

I had a realisation the other day too.  I may not have an IQ.  (As far as I know I've never had my IQ tested.  And on a humorous note, several years ago I found a library book full of IQ questions.  I couldn't answer any of them.  I'm either dead or don't exist.). ... But I think I have a high EQ.

And I'm starting to think that is far more important than an IQ of any description.

AOD

I agree with you that EQ is more important!  Imo, high EQ's make great project/people managers and know how to best place the high IQ's into positions for the win/win.  Keep up the great work!

SoT

[Associate of Daniel]

And it happened again the other day.  I was asked to give an impromptu speech for someone's farewell.  Why me?  It's weird.  I'm not used to being considered for such things.  I'm glad though - I'm gaining more confidence.  But I can't get used to the idea that people (seem to) think that I'm capable of such things or that they want my input.

So, thanks again uNPDs!

AOD

[SonofThunder]

And it happened again the other day.  I was asked to give an impromptu speech for someone's farewell.  Why me?  It's weird.  I'm not used to being considered for such things.  I'm glad though - I'm gaining more confidence.  But I can't get used to the idea that people (seem to) think that I'm capable of such things or that they want my input.

So, thanks again uNPDs!

AOD

Congrats AOD! 

SoT