Update, and reminder of how they don’t change

[Stillirise]

Hello all! I’m still around, now on year 3 of Co-parenting with my uPDxh. Things are going really well for me and the children, for the most part.  This is largely due to the fact that x remains uninvolved for the majority of the time.  I understand how this makes me more fortunate than many of you here.

I wanted to share an ironic tidbit from this week, as a reminder of how their behaviors may change around the edges, but not at the core.  DD12 had a school-related event, out of town, lasting 2 days. I took her and a classmate to the event.  DS14 was staying home, with school, practices, etc.  This has been on the calendar for many weeks, and discussed with X more than once.  He readily agreed to take care of DS for those days.  I still made alternate arrangements for him, just in case.  In the end, he did keep DS overnight, which is supposed to happen once per week anyway, but rarely does. Then, he relied on my backup plans for pickups and drop offs for school and activities. Ok, great! DS handled.

DD is in a sporting event again on Sunday.  Life isn’t usually this packed, but it’s one of those times where everything is happening at once. It is X’s weekend with the kids. Yesterday, after I’d been gone 2 days from work, spent that time with 800 middle schoolers, and just driven the entire way across our state, he called to go over the weekend schedule.  At one point, he ranted about the kids, and all of their “bullshit” (activities he gave permission for them to participate in), and how it really messes up his weekends, and is taking all his time for the things he needs to get done.  I could only laugh and say, oh yes I understand.  

He truly didn’t see that this is what parenthood sometimes looks like, and completely missed the irony of complaining to me about it.  I’m not even mad about it—just  a little sad for my kids, because he’s open with that attitude in front of them, as well.  Don’t worry, though, he recently bought DS something quite expensive for competing in the thing he loves to do on the weekends.   

I hope all’s well as can be in your worlds! This really wasn’t meant as a rant, more of a reminder that leopards don’t change their spots. I feel I’ve reached the point where I am managing as well as can be expected.

[Aeon]

Thanks, stillrise. I appreciate the reminder.
Sorry you and the kids are having to deal with it but for those of us who have thought in the past, "We'll if they just understood then they would change", this bears repeating.

[SonofThunder]

Great update Stillirise! 

Thanks also for another reminder that PD's don't change at the core and all use the same playbook.  That last point about buying something expensive because it aligns with his interests. Ugh... I know that well.

Its always a joy to read about my Out of the FOG comrades doing well in these huge life changes. Its encouraging!  Thanks again for sharing your experiences.

SoT