"Reinventing Your Life" By Jeffrey E. Young, Janet S. Klosko

[Il_Duce]

This book isn't so much about PD although people who have issues like BPD, which is heavily tied to deep seated feelings of abandonment or NPD, which is tied to deep seated feelings of shame could get some use out of it if they were willing and able to get treatment.

The crux of the book is that when we are young children, the way we are treated by our parents can set in motion life long beliefs about ourselves and the world (called schemas) which we repeat throughout our lives until we take the effort to address and change these beliefs.

The book outlines 11 'lifetraps', which is another term for 11 different destructive beliefs (I'm not good enough, people won't be there when I need them, people want to hurt me) that we can absorb as children. It gives tests for each lifetrap which you can take to determine how important that lifetrap is to your life and how you are repeating it. For example, if you are taught you are defective as a child you may grow up and find yourself constantly being attracted to people who hold you in contempt, who are out of your league, or you may not date at all (all of these have been true for me, and my childhood did have a lot of neglect and emotional abuse). The book outlines what kinds of childhood traumas can lead to what kinds of lifetraps (a parent dying or leaving does not have the same effect as emotional abuse, as an example)

For those of us who find ourselves around people with PDs, the book is good because you may be unconsciously repeating traumas from childhood and the people with PDs are playing a role in recreating those traumas. The book can help break the cycle, or at the very least decrease how deeply you indulge in it (since these patterns are very hard to break, but at the very least you can probably see improvement if you work at it).

The crux is you find out what destructive schemas you carry with you, why they occurred, and how you can get in touch with the unconscious pain you feel to start changing the pattern. Until you get in touch with the wounded child inside, you will unconsciously repeat the same patterns.

[Il_Duce]

I didn't read the 'read this first' post that described how this forum works. but I posted a link on amazon for both books. As Rick Perry would say, oops.

Here is the rest of the book info:
Publisher: Plume; Reprint edition (May 1, 1994)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0452272041
ISBN-13: 978-0452272040

[IDK]

For those of us who find ourselves around people with PDs, the book is good because you may be unconsciously repeating traumas from childhood and the people with PDs are playing a role in recreating those traumas. The book can help break the cycle, or at the very least decrease how deeply you indulge in it (since these patterns are very hard to break, but at the very least you can probably see improvement if you work at it).

The crux is you find out what destructive schemas you carry with you, why they occurred, and how you can get in touch with the unconscious pain you feel to start changing the pattern. Until you get in touch with the wounded child inside, you will unconsciously repeat the same patterns.

Thanks for sharing this book.  Many here can relate to the wounded child inside of us.  I may very well read it and find comfort in it.

Thanks again.

[Vi]

Because of your review, I ordered the book from Amazon and have started reading it and figuring out my 'schemas".  It is an incredible book, and I feel it will help me greatly. 

Thanks so much for telling us about it.

                                                         

[Klarity Belle]

This is an excellent book, it's been part of my collection for years, it's info and wisdom really helped me to identify my own main life traps as well as understand how they developed.

[Daphne1]

Thank you for recommending this book.  This looks like another book that I should definitely read.  I grew up with being abused and I think I have issues with that.  Maybe this book will help me deal with those issues.

[sunkitten]

I've had this book for awhile, and definitely recommend it to others who might be struggling with casting off the programming we received from the PD people in our lives.   

[Sallie]

This is one of the books that I bought in my Amazon self-help book spree. . Looking forward to it.