Learning that "nothing I can do justifies someone treating me poorly"

[EntWife]

I'm just now realizing that when I'm upset with someone I'm terrified she/he will do something un-fixable to our relationship. And I'm realizing it's because of experiences like the first time I caught my sociopath soon-to-be-stalker ex-BF cheating his exact reaction was, "you got upset with me before I did it so I didn't think you'd mind." I know it's also been perpetuated by friends/relatives who were having a hard time and, because of that, felt justified in treating everyone around them (including me) poorly.

I'm working hard to undo this ridiculous idea. Because no matter WHAT I do it DOESN'T justify someone treating me poorly! And, really, anyone who treats me poorly is better as an ex (ex-BF, ex-BFF, ex-sister-I-never-had, etc.).

[coyote]

ZW this can be a difficult but empowering realization. Have you ever read The Four Agreements book. It helped me understand a lot of why others act the way they do and gave me some practical ways of deflecting attacks by others.

[athene1399]

One of the best things I learned was that just because I can't control my emotions doesn't mean I can't control my behaviors or reactions to those emotions. Same for everyone else. The "sorry I was a jerk to you, I was having a bad day," doesn't hold much weight with me anymore. And for so long I thought I deserved to be treated like crap. No one deserves to be treated like crap. It took me a long time to figure this out. I'm glad you are realizing this, too!