Technology crisis

[Pepin]

Some people take a wierd pride in not learning to use technology.  My pdh is one of them.  It's a sick wierd cycle.  We bought him a TV that has Alexa built in to remove a level of remote changing etc.  He wants help looking up certain things but I can see he has been seeking out porn on YouTube.  No one in the house will help him with TV now.

I was thinking about this today.  Remember when we stopped going to tellers to withdraw from our bank accounts?  That was probably in the mid 90s for most of us.  Yeah....DPD MIL still doesn't know how to use an ATM machine to get cash.  Needs help every single time.  She was in her mid 50s back in the 90s.  What a sad way to live.  Not interested in technology whatsoever because as you all have said, she found the loophole: servants.

[lkdrymom]

My father would tell me it was 'easier" if I just did it for him.  A lot of this is learned helplessness and as another poster said "just can't be bothered.".   My father would screw up his remote on a weekly basis ad expect me to LEAVE WORK to reprogram his remote. I finally wrote out the instructions in large print and that is when he said it would be easier if I just did it, sure easier for me but sure as heck not for me.  This is a person who sits home all day and can't be bothered to do a simple thing for himself. I was busy, full time job, two kids active in sports, my own home to take care of.  I did not have time to do his chores too.  I was willing to help with what he couldn't do....not what he didn't feel like doing.

[1footouttadefog]

I used to be a professional remote fixer.

I still get called on to help people with remotes and my pdh has huge remote issues.   I worked for radio shack when younger and later had a computer and technicalsupport and small office home office consulting business.  Having dealt with both pd ND nons regarding remotes for decades, perhaps hundreds of folks. I don't try to assign motives to the problem It's multi faceted.

I did handle a great many issues back in the day by getting a buck of universal remotes with only 5 buttons.  Power, volume up down, and channel up down.

The problem children would only be allowed to touch the 5 button remote.

[Leonor]

I say it again: Nonsense!

That's the thing with PDs. They're not stupid, they're disordered. They may not be able to build a remote from scratch, but they know exactly how to manipulate those around them.

They select "plausibilities." It is plausible that a senior may be unfamiliar with a gadget. It is plausible that a senior may have health concerns. It is plausible that a senior might miss his or her adult children from time to time.

These things are plausible because they are experiences that ALL adults have. We ALL need a moment to familiarize ourselves with a new remote. We ALL have health concerns from time to time. We ALL miss our kiddos now and then. It's not some special suffering reserved for older people.

If we are reasonable people, we might even anticipate issues and decide accordingly. We select the basic remote. We go to our yearly checkup. We take out a photo album and enjoy our happy memories.

The PD comes in when she decides to *turn the plausibility to his or her advantage*. When she dismisses the shopkeeper with "Oh, my daughter can help me with that." When she calculates that if she waits, her arthritis might become painful enough for the doctor to prescribe her the good meds ("and then my son will see how I really suffer!") When she calls and calls and calls so that her daughter will come back and make the lonely feeling go away.

It's often a conscious decision: if I get the basic remote, daughter won't come over. If I tell the doctor I feel fine, son won't come to the next appointment. If I go out in my garden, they won't come entertain me.

I've seen this behavior with my ILs. They purposely choose the most complicated option so they can create total chaos.

Plus given what we know about Pepin's mil. Nonsense!

[p123]

I live 25 miles from Dad so he knows I aint doing the "remote" run.
Hes got satellite TV. He knows how to work this to a TEE. Because hes got to.

Anything else, point blank refuses. Cell/mobile I bought him stays in the box. Why bother he doesnt need to use it is his attitude.

Hes always been like this. Moved into his own place when he got divorced and retired. Aged 58. Refused to get a washing machine. Too difficult to use and best of all "its womens work".
So he got his sister (whos 5 years older) to do his laundry for 20 years..... Crack on - you made you're bed....

[Pepin]

These things are plausible because they are experiences that ALL adults have. We ALL need a moment to familiarize ourselves with a new remote. We ALL have health concerns from time to time. We ALL miss our kiddos now and then. It's not some special suffering reserved for older people.

If we are reasonable people, we might even anticipate issues and decide accordingly. We select the basic remote. We go to our yearly checkup. We take out a photo album and enjoy our happy memories.

The PD comes in when she decides to *turn the plausibility to his or her advantage*. When she dismisses the shopkeeper with "Oh, my daughter can help me with that." When she calculates that if she waits, her arthritis might become painful enough for the doctor to prescribe her the good meds ("and then my son will see how I really suffer!") When she calls and calls and calls so that her daughter will come back and make the lonely feeling go away.

This is exactly it.  Exactly.  If I get a new remote or whatever piece of new technology, YEAH, Im going to have to sit down and get familiar with it.

Years ago we gave DPD MIL an iPad to play around with and she couldn't figure it out.  An iPad.  Not as much now as in the past but I used to see droves of senior citizens delighting in their iPads.....taking pictures with them, having video calls, reading, etc.  Not DPD MIL.  Her own sister relies heavily on an iPad and gave up trying to persuade and show DPD MIL how wonderful and useful it was.  We even offered to have the iPad in DPD MIL's language if that is what it would take but no...  I'm sorry but this technology situation with her seems really messed up to me.  Really messed up.  *sigh*. To date, still doesn't know how to access voicemail on her cell phone.     And she's been shown countless times!

[p123]

These things are plausible because they are experiences that ALL adults have. We ALL need a moment to familiarize ourselves with a new remote. We ALL have health concerns from time to time. We ALL miss our kiddos now and then. It's not some special suffering reserved for older people.

If we are reasonable people, we might even anticipate issues and decide accordingly. We select the basic remote. We go to our yearly checkup. We take out a photo album and enjoy our happy memories.

The PD comes in when she decides to *turn the plausibility to his or her advantage*. When she dismisses the shopkeeper with "Oh, my daughter can help me with that." When she calculates that if she waits, her arthritis might become painful enough for the doctor to prescribe her the good meds ("and then my son will see how I really suffer!") When she calls and calls and calls so that her daughter will come back and make the lonely feeling go away.

This is exactly it.  Exactly.  If I get a new remote or whatever piece of new technology, YEAH, Im going to have to sit down and get familiar with it.

Years ago we gave DPD MIL an iPad to play around with and she couldn't figure it out.  An iPad.  Not as much now as in the past but I used to see droves of senior citizens delighting in their iPads.....taking pictures with them, having video calls, reading, etc.  Not DPD MIL.  Her own sister relies heavily on an iPad and gave up trying to persuade and show DPD MIL how wonderful and useful it was.  We even offered to have the iPad in DPD MIL's language if that is what it would take but no...  I'm sorry but this technology situation with her seems really messed up to me.  Really messed up.  *sigh*. To date, still doesn't know how to access voicemail on her cell phone.     And she's been shown countless times!

My Dad refuses to even use a cell phone.....

Hes out wih his cousin a lot of the time - 3 years younger than him. His cousin uses the phone, texts etc.
Of course, Dad is thinking why bother, if I need to use I've got someone to do it for me.