When they don't see you as a separate person

[p123]

The fact that he thinks you need to call him as often as he wants and your own wife does not need to speak with you is mind. blowing.

Hes got his own "special" views on marriage and women in general. His attiude is "you're away for the weekend, she can manage without you"

[square]

Yeah. And you're away (from him) FOR LIFE because you've flown the nest. HE CAN MANAGE WITHOUT YOU.

[nanotech]

I read somewhere, that PDs NEED to have everyone else agree with their views and opinions, and if they don't, their very existence will feel threatened. It's of course linked to enmeshment, and PD parents have this need in buckets. They desperately NEED us to mirror them, in order for them to feel confident and whole as a person.
No pressure! 

It explains a lot about my FOO.   

(I'm so not like them. I'm fine if someone has a different opinion and I'm capable of cordial debate on any issue, and of 'agreeing to disagree'). 

But their life depends totally upon winning the argument, to the point of devastation if they fail.  One time my unPD sister and unPDdad nearly came to physical blows over whether or not school uniform should be  mandatory for children.

[square]

I think "controlling the narrative" is crucial because it maintains the illusion that the lies they tell themselves are true and agreed upon by all. It that falls apart, what do they have left?

They control us because they are absolutely terrified.

[tragedy or hope]

I am married to said character. In fact, he sits and thinks of new jobs for our adult married sons, who have jobs, and tells them they should try ABC job which they are better suited for and can make more money.

It's not just jobs.... he thinks into their lives,   whoever is struggling gets the most mental time. "He should do this, he should do that... " brings it up anytime we see him. Son is annoyed, not stupid, knows what he wants.

"Dad," ultimately almost took us to the poor house as he aged; ran a business to the ground. Got us in big debt, played video games on computer all day... did not bill people who owed us money. Didn't want to taint those "relationships," that were his narc feed. He liked the big pat on the back "thanks man"... while they walked out as thieves basically stealing product.

When son took over, dad accused him (to just me) of not being able to run business as son started to get things in order and dads ways were exposed... it was the son in unpdh eyes who could not handle it.

I could go on and on, but why.. same stuff different day, person etc...

[p123]

Dads absolute classic is his views on drink driving..... Jeez.

Im 53 years old. Never have drunk alcohol and driven. Never ever in 30 years of driving.
Yes there are times when I will meet friends at the pub, and just not drink. It happens - its not always possible to get home otherwise.

Dad vehemently and aggressively disagrees with this. If you go to a pub you will be "tempted" to drink and then you'll lose your licence. He just will not let it go.
Its absolutely unbelievable.

I remember a few years ago going out and he worked out I was driving. He phoned me literally every day up to the day to have a go and me and tell me I shouldn't go at all. In the end, I told him to do one and mind you're his own business. Then he accused me of making him ill because he was worried about me.

Hes still the same. I'm sure hes going to end up in a padded cell one day....