called him out

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

My STBXBPH accused me for months of cheating on him; and yes, it was him cheating on me the whole time.
I do think their personalities are complicated - my STBXBPH viewed sex as a means of control, not intimacy. 
I never thought for one second that he would have been unfaithful - but that was me projecting on him.
I realize now that all his ridiculous accusations towards ME, were because HE was lying to me about so many things. 
I spent so much time trying to prove him wrong, that I didn't have time to see what was right in front of my face.

[square]

You know your husband better than anyone (and we know him not at all), so your instincts are probably right.

However, I just wanted to point out that a man can certainly use porn and not initiate intimacy with his wife. He can replace the intimacy with porn.

You could be right about ED, but that doesn't rule out porn use either. With ED he may feel less vulnerable using porn than risking performance issues with you.

Anyway, I'm not saying he's definitely using it, of course I have no idea. And in fact your opinion that it's something else carries a lot of weight. But nothing you said rules it out.

[SonofThunder]

You know your husband better than anyone (and we know him not at all), so your instincts are probably right.

However, I just wanted to point out that a man can certainly use porn and not initiate intimacy with his wife. He can replace the intimacy with porn.

You could be right about ED, but that doesn't rule out porn use either. With ED he may feel less vulnerable using porn than risking performance issues with you.

Anyway, I'm not saying he's definitely using it, of course I have no idea. And in fact your opinion that it's something else carries a lot of weight. But nothing you said rules it out.

Square, i fully agree with you on:  "However, I just wanted to point out that a man can certainly use porn and not initiate intimacy with his wife. He can replace the intimacy with porn."

My PDw's father was a steady internet porn watcher all the way to his death in his 80's. I was close enough to him to know man-to-man that he lost erectile function a long time prior and also know that intimacy with his (imo PD) wife ended long prior to his erectile dysfunction.  Porn was his replacement choice for intimacy loss and erectile loss as well.   

SoT

[SonofThunder]

Losingmyself,

Im glad you have come to a conclusion for yourself in the matter.  You may never fully know the answer from his perspective, but there is comfort in our decisions for ourselves, regarding what is truth. 

SoT

[losingmyself]

I sure do appreciate all your replies. I will definitely keep my eyes open. Sometimes I try to over-analyze things, just to try to understand. It doesn't change anything, but it's so nice to be able to talk to people openly about it.
Thanks, everyone!

[SonofThunder]

I sure do appreciate all your replies. I will definitely keep my eyes open. Sometimes I try to over-analyze things, just to try to understand. It doesn't change anything, but it's so nice to be able to talk to people openly about it.
Thanks, everyone!

Over-analyze is surely my style as well. I have learned to embrace and enjoy it but also try to keep it in a framework.  I believe for me, my main downfall regarding analysis, is when my search for truth turns to speculation and then i let my mind run too deep down that rabbit trail, which can lead me astray because of my desires vs truth. 

I hope that you may have additional revelations in the future that may help you better piece the puzzle together.  When that happens to my situations, it then helps me understand my PD's motives for similar future events.

SoT