Death by chili cheese Fritos

[NarcKiddo]

I, too, am just catching this update. I am so very sorry for your loss. I hope all concerned can now find peace.

[Pepin]

I am also just reading about this as well...and I am sorry for your loss - seems that the real loss happened much earlier while she was alive rather than the actual finality of her death.  I think going forward you will have the necessary peace that you were needing.

I see many parallels here about your situation with regards to my late CN MIL.  Where there is a difference however, is that she maintained the bare minimum in order to keep up appearances for the purpose of manipulation.  But beneath that, what one saw behind closed doors was another version of her facade.  Without going into specific details, yes, it was a form of self destruction at her own calculated doing.  Helplessness was her agenda and rather than isolating herself, she isolated others.

[WearyLittleBird]

I think one of the changes the pandemic brought is that it is much more acceptable to say that due to the wishes of the deceased or their family that there will be no services or that the funeral will be private.  For example:

To honor my mother's wishes, there will be no funeral service. I invite you to please privately celebrate (insert name)'s memory in your own ways. I know that she will be with us all in spirit.

Because if your mother had wanted a funeral she would have set the money aside and prepaid for it.  You are not obligated to go through the expense to put on a farce of a funeral just for societal expectations.

Thank you for this post. I had a similar thought, but my brother wants to have a service. He's religious and more likely to give in to pressure from others. I've decided to just wait and see what happens. I'm not going to bring up a funeral again. If my brother wants one, we can have a small service. I may or may not go depending on details.

I appreciate the compassion from everyone.