Mom died, family strangely quiet

[SunnyMeadow]

I like the way you handled it!   

I'm feeling victorious! Like a viking standing among the smoking wreckage of a village.

[bloomie]

There was no relationship to lose and what was eating me up inside was that I was swallowing my experience in the name of manners, respecting elders, blah, blah, blah. This feels better. Much, much better.

Well done! How clear eyed you are in this statement.

[moglow]

Well KUDOS for saying what you felt was needed! It reminds me of being in a snarl years ago when mother's family making comments about what I "should be doing" [or not] where she's concerned. I remember telling my older brother about it and he countered with, when have they ever been there or helped you when you needed it, when they might have actually been able to?? When's the last time they even talked to you? No, they're telling me what *I* should do. Light bulb moment!

[JenniferSmith]

I feel like I understand your feelings here as I went through something very similar to this when my dad passed. His brother (only sib) and wife acted much like your aunts did. It was a turning point for me. I realized that I had spent years trying to forge some sort of connection with them. Their lack of care or sympathy for me when my dad died showed me that they don't have it in them act in ways that would create an actual relationship (at least with me - I don't know what their other relationships are like). 

I went through much hurt over the years with them, and then in a moment, it all lifted. I was completely at peace, and now I can genuinely say I have absolutely NO expectations of them at all. If I never hear from them again, I am fine with that. If they reach out, I'll send a short, superficial response (which is how they've always acted toward me), and feel nothing.  Its very sad that we can't have a relationship with each other, but they made the choice, not me, and I feel much better finally letting go.