is this the discard phase?

[Markclo1]

Thankyou Hillsong, yes i fully agree, i don't think i can really heal around these family dynamics at the moment, and you are correct, my relationship with my sister is not healthy at all right now. On the reading i have done, i am the scapegoat, she is the golden child. She has no awareness at all of the wider disfuncional dynamics in the family, currently its not good for me to be around this, I have peace about that. maybe it will change in the future

[moglow]

Marclo, it may take dad turning on her when he inevitably runs out of other options. Our golden child catered to and made excuses for mommie dearest as far back as I can remember, he never did any wrong in her eyes so didn't experience what we did. When everyone else was gone and he was the only one around, she didn't hesitate to treat him the same. He sings a different song these days.

You have to take care of yourself first!

[Markclo1]

Yes thanks. Its interesting because just the other day my sister said to me 'stop thinking about yourself, and start thinking about the family.' Very manipulative, and another confirmation that im doing the right thing

[moglow]

Well that took some balls - but it DOES at least confirm your decision to step back! Why would you EVER "stop thinking about yourself" and why would any functioning person ask it?? You're not "the family," you're an individual.

Sounds to me like she's accepted her place [which may well not be as golden as we think] and that's fine. You still get to choose your own, and if you're to have one in that mess at all.

[Cat of the Canals]

Yeah, PD families love to pretend that "sacrificing for your family" is a virtuous thing to do. The thing I've noticed is it's rarely the PD or the flying monkeys doing the sacrificing...

[Markclo1]

Exactly and my sister is just repeating the same things my dad says....to be honest i have felt really at peace with taking some extended space from both my sister and father. Its a sad situation, but as a result of that decision my anxiety levels have really dropped. Again, confirmation it is the right move.

[moglow]

Just remember no matter what they try to pander - you stepped back and away for yourself. Being all glommed up in there with the dysfunction and them making excuses serves no one. You don't have to explain that to anyone. You can be a family and still have boundaries - if not, maybe there's a real need to reconsider their idea of family.

You're not punishing but making use of good self care!