My no contact mother has been showing up at my home when I wasnt there

[blistering]

I am NC with her since 3-5 years (technically, 2 of those were low contact). But I have not seen her in 5 years. She has of course never respected the NC. She will go through longer phases where she doesn't reach out, but will always pop back up somehow.

Today I came home to a postcard from her in my mailbox. It says she has been at my home 3 times trying to meet me but I was not there and that I should please call her. It has no address or stamp so she must have thrown it in personally, probably last weekend where luckily I was away all day.

I guess I knew that was a possibility since she knows where I live. I feel so grossed out and threatened knowing she has been in front of my door 3 times and I was just lucky to not be there and that she will probably try again and I won't know when. She used to live a few hours away from me but moved closer 2 years ago or so (know that through relatives) so she can just drive here on the weekend or whatever I guess. I know it's not exactly illegal to go to someone's home and ring the doorbell, but I feel like I have a crazy stalker now. Really unsettled.

Anybody have tips how to deal with this. I don't want to allow her to ruin my peace. I don't think she's an actual physical threat but she would for sure make a total scene and try to get into my home.

[bloomie]

blistering - how unsettling. The simplest, non provoking thing I can suggest is you get some kind of camera or camera doorbell that would alert you to anyone coming to your door. You would have video and could see what she actually did and then address it or not, whichever you feel is best for you.

This has brought a great deal of relief to me with a relative who went so far as to make a copy of our housekey another relative who was house sitting for us had, and boldly entered our home with others without our permission when we were not there.

It is an awful sense of vulnerability and violation and I am really sorry this is happening. 

[blistering]

Unfortunately that is not a possibility, because i rent an apartment. I do have a little looking glass thingy in my apartment door but if someone rings on the house door it's not possible to see who it is. However I will not go to the door from now on if it rings and I am not expecting something. I can see from my window a little bit who is in front of the door. However I am on the ground floor so she can look in my windows or come knocking on my terrace door just as well. So now I feel quite unprotected here.

I wonder if it would help anything if I send her a single message telling her I will not talk to her or let her in and if she persists I will call the police. However I'm not sure if that would really deter her or not. She'd probably just tell me I'm paranoid because she's only my mother.. and show up anyway

[Rebel13]

Yep, in my experience, trying to set limits with the disordered results in them doing the unwanted behavior more, because "you're not the boss of me!" The only thing they understand is consequences, sometimes. And it sounds like there's not much you can do that you aren't already doing. So maybe continuing to ignore is your best option; some of them, sometimes, lose interest and go away after a while.

[DaisyGirl77]

Unfortunately that is not a possibility, because i rent an apartment. I do have a little looking glass thingy in my apartment door but if someone rings on the house door it's not possible to see who it is. However I will not go to the door from now on if it rings and I am not expecting something. I can see from my window a little bit who is in front of the door. However I am on the ground floor so she can look in my windows or come knocking on my terrace door just as well. So now I feel quite unprotected here.

I wonder if it would help anything if I send her a single message telling her I will not talk to her or let her in and if she persists I will call the police. However I'm not sure if that would really deter her or not. She'd probably just tell me I'm paranoid because she's only my mother.. and show up anyway

Get window clings.  I bought some for my house since my windows all face south & it's intolerably hot.  It's still hot, but not as terrible, & the added bonus is that it turns my windows into mirrors to block out the looky-loos.  This is the kind I have on my windows: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B09CDFYM4B/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&th=1

I'd consider getting a cheap camera just in case.  You'll also learn just how frequently she comes by your home.

[moglow]

You're under no obligation to allow any unwanted/unexpected persons into your home, whether your mother or anyone else. I'm not in the habit of opening my door to anyone unless expected and I have no plans to change that [not that mommie dearest has any interest, but nonetheless...]. In this world it's just not a good idea. 

I absolutely second the idea of window clings - I lived in an apartment that opened onto an outside walkway, anyone walking by could/would easily see inside. Since there was little view to enjoy, I opted for a frosted film from windowsill high enough up that no one could see in while allowing plenty of daylight. When I moved it peeled right off with no effort. Consider talking to your landlord about allowing something like a Ring doorbell so you have more of an exterior view without actually making contact.