Back in the saddle again

[moglow]

Funny you should ask [mo says, as she pours herself a little sumpin sumpin]...

The woman text mid morning today, says to call her when I get off work. Told her I have lunch plans so it may be later. Ok. Against my better judgment I called on my way to meet my friends. She rambled and babbled for a minute, then asked what my plans were for Christmas. Welp, says I, I'm actually pet sitting starting (she cut me off at this point, with her in a toddler tantrum voice) "NO! NO!NO! NO! You're coming HERE!"  I let her ramble and babble then I began again, As I was saying I'm pet sitting starting Christmas eve (same interruption from her as before). And (paraphrased) "so just like thanksgiving you made other plans." Well yes. Someone asked me to stay with their dogs, they trust me with them and their home and know I'll care for them like my own. And pays me. Generously, I might add. We discussed it months ago and that's the way it is. So apparently she believes this is "mighty convenient timing." No. It's *planned*, there's a difference. There's no agenda. No hidden motive. No excuses.

Y'all. This is not a new thing. I've not spent any holiday or special occasion with her in *years*. I don't get her random expectations of appearances or visits, at all. When I *did* there was always a "problem" that she'd pick apart and throw in my face later. And still, the last time I saw her, she full on pretended to not know who I was. I have no desire to repeat that either.

So again, thanks but no thank you.

[moglow]

But in answer to your actual question, @TimetoHeal, I'm actually okay for the most part. I realized sharing the above that all remaining sense of obligation and guilt seems to have exited the building, and I'm better for it. There was a time I'd have dreaded addressing holiday plans and hearing her "you shoulds." Her expectations bear no resemblance to any reality we have where she's concerned - complete Norman Rockwell fantasies built out of air. And she seems to believe them. Okay, you do that, mommie dearest. 😒

[TimetoHeal]

Oh, moglow, I am so sorry! That escalated quickly from her not even knowing who you were when you visited (or rather, pretending not too), to she expects you to be there for Christmas!  I'm so sorry you've had to deal with all this BS after being at a good distance for quite a while.  But it sounds like you are handling it beautifully.  Pour your self a little spiced 'nog or whatever it is you love this time of year, and enjoy those fur babies!!  They are the best!

[NarcKiddo]

Enjoy the pet sitting. They will be much better company!

[moglow]

That escalated quickly from her not even knowing who you were when you visited (or rather, pretending not too), to she expects you to be there for Christmas!

It's part of her pattern, the twist of her performance in July was the only difference actually. That one was all new, but the rest? Absolutely familiar. Her going silent, offering no explanation or apology then her expectations for the holidays? Not new at all. *My response* or lack of same, this is different.

See there's never a good time to confront her, to speak my peace and get it all out in the open. Never was. Now She's 86, frail and failing, alone and lonely by her own doing, but expecting everyone to care for her. Part of me badly wants to let 'er rip anyway and stop swallowing the bs. The other, the realistic side, reasonably asks Why. I'd only get a multitude of excuses and baseless accusations, no honesty, be blamed for her pain and "causing more stress" yet again. All because She doesn't want to talk about it.

So I breathe. I make another cup of my favorite tea, snuggle under a soft blankie with my cats nearby, and I reach again for my peace. And pray for hers. I've found that in praying for her peace, I find more of my own. And I let go a little more.

[TimetoHeal]

moglow,

Do we have the same mother by any chance?  "alone and lonely by her own doing, but expecting everyone to take care of her".  Same exact person. 

The blanket and cats and tea sound like the perfect solution to anything! 

[moglow]

Quite possibly. I swear there's a handbook, checklists they must run through. I've been alone and lonely plenty myself but I'm not nasty and bitter about it, expecting others to fill a void. 

[NarcKiddo]

There must be a handbook, right enough. I was speaking to mine the other day and she started complaining about a friend of hers. Because "he requires daily adulation". I nearly laughed out loud at that one.

[bloomie]

So I breathe. I make another cup of my favorite tea, snuggle under a soft blankie with my cats nearby, and I reach again for my peace. And pray for hers. I've found that in praying for her peace, I find more of my own. And I let go a little more.

Protecting your peace! LOVE this!!!