Maya has arrived

[maya_moon]

I'm Maya. I was raised by two narc parents, and had a narc older brother.
I recently went no contact with all of them, but my mom let me know a couple days ago that my dad died. Now I'm working on deciding whether to go to the funeral, where there will be gaslighting if I go.

[xredshoesx]

welcome to the group @maya_moon

my best advice is whatever you do, it's the right decision for YOU. 
if you feel like seeing your father now will give you closure, go.  if you feel like avoiding the inevitable gaslighting is better for your mental health, it's ok to not go.  let them do them with or without you, bc you already know what will go down.

an idea i've tossed around is when the inevitable situation becomes an issue for me, I was thinking maybe of calling the funeral home and asking for a few moments with my biological mother if that makes sense so IF I decide I need to see her, I can do it without the audience.  for context I've been NC almost my entire adult life at 53.

Maya is a name symbolic of rebirth/ coming of spring.  no matter what you decide to do about the funeral, this is definitely your season and a chance to rewrite your story with YOUR ending and YOUR truth.   here's the link for the toolbox for some strategies you may need to use to empower yourself in dealing with your family should anything else come up that requires you to be back in more contact with your mother / other family members as part of the grieving process.

Toolbox 


we're listening when you are ready to share more





 

[Rebel13]

Good luck with your decision Maya, it's a tough one. I agree with redshoes in hoping you do what is best for you, and decide ahead of time not to second guess yourself. If you decide to go, I hope you can protect yourself and get what you need there. If you decide not to go, there are plenty of ways to memorialize your dad's passing on your own, with a trusted friend or animal companion, in nature, limited only by your imagination.