Belief in the paranormal

[stella]

I grew up in an excessively religious household, where my uNPD parents were frequently thrown out of churches for engaging in challenging behaviour. I have been no contact with both parents since 2012. 

My father, on several occasions told me that vampires were definitely real. At one point, I looked askance and he told me that one day I would know and it would be too late. I asked at one point how he knew this and it just made him very angry.  I was about 17 at the time, and I have not doubt that my father actually believed what he was saying to me. 

 My father also taught Sunday school at one of our churches, and taught a unit on the occult, and was adamant that witchcraft, horoscopes, fortune tellers and other such things were completely real and to be avoided.  A few weeks later we were asked not to return to the church.   

My mother did not allow Halloween on the grounds that Halloween was a day when people assumed that witches weren't real, and thus pretended they were witches.  She told me I could ask the church minister about this if I didn't believe her, because he was apparently very knowledgeable about this sort of thing, and that witchcraft was definitely real.  As before, this happened on several occasions throughout my childhood and teenagehood and I have no doubt whatsoever that she believed what she said. 

Any questioning of this sort of thing was met with anger so I tended to grey rock before I even knew what that was. I never heard any expression of this sort of belief from any of the many, often extremely dysfunctional churches were were involved with.  My family do not seem to be descended from any group where belief in these things might be traditional. As far as I am able to tell, their logic was that if eg. the bible is completely real, then other things such as vampires, witches, zombies etc are also real.  Oddly, they only seemed to believe in scary and creepy things, and never expressed any belief that benevolent fantastic creatures such as unicorns or fairies are real. 

I would not wish to insult anyone's beliefs or faith.  Please feel free to read "vampire" or "witch" as "thing that cannot be proven."  And it is the anger and rage that I was met with that is the problem, rather than any objection to the belief itself.  There is also the issue that I was frequently isolated because of my parents' beliefs, as a lot of other parents did not allow their children to associate with me because of this sort of thing. 

I feel crazy for even posting this.  I do feel that my family's problems go beyond NPD, but there is definitely crossover. I know that my mother has had a long-standing problem with prescription drug abuse. 

Has anyone else had experiences like these?  How do I even come to terms with this?

[NarcKiddo]

I don't know how you come to terms with this, but I can tell you that my uNPD mother is absolutely adamant that one must not tempt fate. For instance, as a child (about 7), I was once watching a cartoon in which the characters were going into a spooky house, or something. I don't recall. But one of them was scared and kept repeating "Oh, no, something's gonna HAPPEN!". He had a funny, squeaky voice that amused me, so I went into the kitchen imitating the character. My mother completely lost the plot and raged against me for tempting fate. A total, hysterical, screaming rage. She was absolutely certain something was now going to happen. Shortly afterwards she burned herself on the oven by accident. I don't remember if she verbally blamed me or just glared at me. I am pretty sure she just glared but naturally I blamed myself for having caused it.

My mother's beliefs are perhaps a little more mainstream than those you describe, but like yours she tends towards beliefs in the malevolent - apart from fortune telling, where she is quite prepared to believe in good fortune to come, especially if it relates to money.

[SeaBreeze]

My late uNPD mother, co-morbid schizoaffective disorder,  believed God spoke to her directly and often made decisions around what she was told. I am open to the idea of divine intervention, but the problem is my mother's decisions based on this outside guidance always proved to be bad ones. If my brother or I challenged her choices, we were accused of questioning the good Lord Himself! I finally told her, in my 30s (!!!), that God sure gave her bad advice!

(My mother also liked to dominate and even take over Sunday School and Bible Study conversations. She was "fired" from teaching children's Sunday School at one church after parent complaints, and was "banned" from Bible Study at another church for constantly interrupting the leader and with "false doctrine* at that!)

My first husband and ex-MIL (both uNPD) were on the occult side of this. ex-MIL believed she was special and bestowed magickal gifts, and this special, magick ability extended to her Golden Child son as well. I found it just as difficult to challenge their Pagan beliefs (as in, their belief in THEMSELVES) as I did with my Christian mother.

I believe that God works in my life, but I am continually humbled and awed by small miracles. I'm certainly not putting myself on a pedestal and making a false god of myself. When it comes to the PDs in my past, their magical thinking became fact, and I think proof, to them, that they were sooo special. To question that was taken very personally by them!

[Call Me Cordelia]

I'm not sure what coming to terms with it would look like for you, but I think the fixation on evil is a reflection of their disorder. I'm so sorry you suffered so from this. Isolation in your parents scary worldview is something I imagine would be deeply wounding.

If they are Christian, you would think they would believe that God is bigger than the boogy man. Maybe your inner child would enjoy that VeggieTales episode! There are genuine manifestations of evil in this world, and yet we have nothing to fear from them.  Our time is better spent thinking of God and His goodness.

"For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

[Liketheducks]

My mother has a lot of magical thinking.  IF I say the affirmation in just the right way things will come true.   Ghosts are real, etc.   I think it all stems from some emotional immaturity.

[DaisyGirl77]

I had a somewhat similar, yet different, upbringing.  My parents don't believe that vampires or witches exist, but they do believe in angels, ghosts, spirits, & demons.

I'd been in some flavor of church since I was born, I think, & the parentals moved progressively more conservative as I grew up.  However, they had a family friend who was, at the time, beginning to embrace her extrasensory talents (& is now marketing herself as a psychic medium) so this aspect was "normal" to me.

Then my uNM became more religious (reading her bible every afternoon) & she drove us deeper into the church.  Suddenly, Halloween was satanic & we weren't allowed to celebrate--we went to "fall festivals" at the church instead.  We were threatened with exorcisms if we groaned & complained about going to church on Sunday.  (We were forced to go to church after being told that "the devil was attacking us.")  We were sent to church camps in the summers where we were told that secular music was "of the devil & we must turn to God."  Our previous interests in astrology, numerology, iridology, tarot & oracle cards were off the table because they were satanic.  When Harry Potter became a worldwide phenomenon in 1998, that was off limits because it was also satanic because it encouraged witchcraft (according to a forwarded fearmongering chain email they received from a trusted church member at the time).

I drew away from religion & the Christian god around the age of 14-15, partly as a response to my parents' handling of religion & faith, & partly because I was questioning everything & taking note of the hypocrisies & contradictions.  I told them I no longer believed in God a year or so later but they dismissed it as a phase.  (It wasn't.)  I haven't stepped foot in a church in nearly 20 years.  UNM refused to accept that I wasn't a Christian until I was about 20 years old, after we had a HUGE fight over her obsessive, oppressive pushing of religion on me & her denial & rejection of my views.

I've been NC with uNM for over a decade now.  According to Sis2, uNM has deeply relaxed on her rigidly held beliefs & allows for the occult (& even has a few oracle decks herself, apparently) in her life.  As for me, due to the way religion was handled in my childhood home, I am staunchly anti-Christian religion, & have found a different path to walk (pagan).  In some ways, I am deeply angry with the treatment I received in the name of Jesus & the religious abuse I sustained as a minor.  Maybe someday this will change, but I think it'll take quite a bit of time before I'm able to openly listen without rolling eyes or scoffing at a sermon or the mention of god.  (I do joke that I suddenly become Catholic when I'm terrified--calling upon Jesus, Mary, & Joseph, & all the saints & 50 million (the number varies) children they had, LOL.)

I don't know if any of this is relatable or helps you in a way.  I think religious people will justify whatever it is in the name of their god, even if it causes cognitive dissonance or contradicts their previously stated beliefs in some way.  I've found it's not worth pushing back on it with them & I just avoid.  I just focus on processing my baggage & unfucking my mind in therapy & watching YouTube videos from therapists on topics I need to work on in between my sessions.  I hope this helps.

[TimetoHeal]

It would make for a very interesting research study to see just how intertwined personality disorders and extreme religious beliefs are!

I came from a "cultish" religious background.  I won't name the denomination, one, because I don't want to offend anyone, and two, because I don't think it matters since any denomination or belief system can become cultish if taken to an extreme. My mother thinks she was way too "liberal" when we were growing up -letting us celebrate Halloween, watch scary movies, not going to what she now considers the "real" church.  She even made the comment recently:  "You and your brother never had a chance".  Gee, thanks, Mom.

These days she see demons behind every rock.  Not literally, although that wouldn't surprise me.  Everything is "demonic", from the remote control that she can't figure out, to the political views of others that she doesn't agree with.  It's ridiculous. 

I have my own relationship with God now that does not involve institutionalized religion.  I've seen too many PD types in that arena, and I'm traumatized from it.

[walking on broken glass]

It makes sense for PD people to hold extreme religious beliefs because they see the world in black and white: extremism does exactly that! No room for nuance.

My parents were/are religious but not in an extremist kind of way. It's also cultural where I grew up. Unfortunately this religious outlook locked with their PD control issues and informed their parenting. They had conservative views about many things, and I have no doubt that a lot of the guilt and shame that I carry originate in that religious conservatism.

Now that my mum is ill, her superstition has risen to higher levels (like claiming that she saw saints approach her in her dreams, believing that certain items that belonged to a particular saint would help her heal etc.). As long as it helps her and it's harmless, I don't mind, I just find it amusing. But I am the only one in my family who is not religious and it does get lonely, for that extra reason too.