Need advice-dating again and the guy is triggering me

[mary_poppins]

Mary_poppins

Wow, all of the advice is so spot on. It is encouraging to see the community rally around you.

I wanted to say good on you for getting out there and taking a risk. It is so hard and your are right - triggering. You set boundaries; reached for support; worked for answers and listened to yourself. Just so impressive. I am sorry it didn't work out but frankly, you got so much out of the experience even if it was bad in the end. Just so incredibly inspiring!

Thanks <3
It was a good experience, now I know how to recognize the love bombers. (i have not been love bombed by men before)

[moglow]

@mary_poppins maybe try to remember that everyone is different, whether love bomber or no. I like to keep in mind Eleanor Roosevelt, who [supposedly] said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." I've extended that a bit for my own purposes, that no one can make me *anything* without my consent, thereby prevent myself from allowing others to lead me around willy nilly whether friend or foe. I have to control me, not all those other people out there. They're going to do what they're going to do, and I get to decide how I respond [or not].

[1footouttadefog]

I do think it's possible to meet someone who will pursue you and give attention and who is healthy.

I think that slowing things down is the greatest tool for filtering the healthy from the unhealthy however. 

A healthy potential partner has a life.  They have goals and family and friends and hobbies and routines that they are not going to risk or take lightly and entirely jettison app they can enmesh and be available at all hours.   Dating will be something they have to allow time for by reprioritizing other aspects of life. 

A lot of arcs jump in fast and move fast to there advantage. 

Also having a life of our own and being well rounded and more fulfilled will help repel unhealthy folks as the seek certain weaknesses in others to exploit.