Back to square one but at least now I know the game and rules….

[Call Me Cordelia]

I found some poems that my mum had written. They were all about my dad (deceased) and the dog (also deceased). They expressed feelings that indicate that she was deeply bonded to both of them and that she deeply missed them both. Is the fact that I am upset and disappointed that she never wrote a word about me indicative of me being 'self absorbed and self pitying?' Is it narcissistic to have those feelings?

You wanted your mother to love you. That is not self-absorbed. The love of your mother is your birthright.

[Lillith65]

Thank you Cordelia. That is so reassuring.

I wrote the letter today. Six pages. Then I sealed it up in an envelope and drew a symbol of protection and eternity on the flap. I chose to write it in the coffee shop where I received her phone call that led to the last couple of months. I felt better for having written it, and strangely, when I stood up to leave, I discovered that behind me on the wall were the lines 'do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage at the dying of the light' by Dylan Thomas. That reinforced my sense that it was the right thing to do. On my way home I went to the undertaker and handed it in to be put in my mother's coffin before her cremation.

[Rebel13]

Is the fact that I am upset and disappointed that she never wrote a word about me indicative of me being 'self absorbed and self pitying?' Is it narcissistic to have those feelings?

Not even a little bit.

I'm so glad you wrote the letter. I hope it brings some peace to you. I would love to hear how you feel about it going forward, if you feel like sharing.

[1footouttadefog]

Hold the line folks.  You get to decide who much engagement and on what terms.  Even if you were NC or lowC before.  Deciding to adjust does not mean the PDs get control again.

Stay strong.