Seeking advice from executors of deceased people's wills

[DaisyGirl77]

I wasn't sure where to put this so am putting it here.  If there's a better spot, please move it there.

I recently found out that two very close friends/chosen family of mine chose me to be their POA/executors of their respective wills.  One is straightforward--I'm not concerned as she's very pragmatic.  The other one I am.  She's diagnosed bipolar, is off her medications (her choice), & wants me to handle her estate when she's gone.

I know it'll be a huge undertaking.  On top of bipolar, she has hoarding disorder.  That part I'm not concerned about as I've done the cleanup before.  She's also estranged from her two children (their choices, not hers) due to their volatile childhood due to her undiagnosed BP.  But how did you handle the dissolution of your uPD's estate?  I'm certain her children will be angry & feeling betrayed once they find out they've been disinherited.  What minefields did you have, & what did you wish you had known prior to entering the role?  Did you work with a lawyer for guidance, or did you go in blind?

Note that both friends are very healthy.  I'm not concerned about their impending deaths for at least another 30 years, but I'm a planner & I like to know these things now (lol).

What did your experience(s) teach you?

[NarcKiddo]

I am a lawyer in that field. This is not legal advice, which I believe is not allowed here, and in any case I have no idea what jurisdiction you are in. However I have in the course of my work obviously seen some of these issues in play.

The disinherited children of the bipolar friend might try to suggest your friend did not have capacity to sign a will, especially if it was signed while she was off her meds. Where I am, in cases where such an argument might be anticipated, the person signing the will would get some sort of doctors certificate to say they were of suitably sound mind at the time of signing. At the very least they would try to ensure that witnesses to a will signature would be able to confirm that the person was of suitably sound mind. If the relative age of the witnesses might mean they were not around to ask at the time of death it is an idea to get them to sign something to keep with the will.

I would one million percent suggest anyone acting as executor in a potentially disputed estate should work with a lawyer from the get go. Where I am it is possible for an executor to mess things up quite innocently, and once an executor has started work they can't back out. Where I am situated, an executor who has not started work is able to back out if the situation is too fraught at the time.

If you are going to benefit from any of these wills and you think there might be family issues later you would be well advised to take local advice now and make sure anything helpful you do for a friend (such as drive them to a lawyer's office so they can sign the will) could not be construed as influencing them in any way.

[DaisyGirl77]

Thanks for your response, NarcKiddo.  I suspected this would be an issue.  I'll suggest that she have a doctor's certificate attesting to her sound mind/body included with the will the next time she brings it up.  That's a very good idea & one I never would've thought of, so thank you.

Hopefully I'm able to use the lawyer she selected to do her will to help me handle the estate properly after she's gone.  (Mainly because I don't want to have to search for one in, like, 30 years, lol.)

Sorry for the delay.  I recently got news that one of my best friends is terminal (brain cancer) & I've basically had a long meltdown over it.

[NarcKiddo]

I'm so sorry to hear the news of your friend's cancer.