What would you do?

[Trinity85]

I know he is committing crimes that are considered a felony. I am under no legal obligation to report this. I also know I am angry. I can report it anonymously, and know that I will be protected. This weighs heavily on me.

[square]

Will reporting solve any of your problems?

[Rebel13]

Great question, square. That is most important. I also might consider who is being harmed by what he is doing. If it were a vulnerable person, I would want to report that. Otherwise, I hope you find a solution that you can live with.

[Trinity85]

Hhhmmm. Maybe? It's an opportunity for justice. And his behavior harms everyone.

[hhaw]

Will he know you're the one who reported it?  Will it negatively impact your life, and make you wish you didn't get involved....

or.....

will it bring some justice, and not destroy your life in the process?

Food for thought.

[Poison Ivy]

What are the negatives of reporting?

[Trinity85]

I can do it anonymously. There would be no actual negatives for me. Even though I am angry, I am not considering this to be vengeful. What he has done is wrong. But I have compassion and do realize he has a PD. It weighs on me to be in this position.

[Catothecat]

I think in a situation like this you need to remove yourself emotionally and look at it like someone who has no relationship with him would.  Would they report him if they knew what was going on? If you were on the receiving end of such a felony, would you want a knowledgeable person to stay silent?     

[hhaw]

Are children or vulnerable people being victimized?

Would you benefit from the PD spending time in jail or on probation?

Would "justice" protect people who don't deserve to be preyed on?

If it's white collar financial fraud kinda crime....would it feel right to treat him the way he likely treated you?

Sometimes, the appropriate administration of justice trumps any possible guilt/shame/regret which can pop up when one refuses to comply with social training to "always be nice", IME.

What does your gut tell you to do?

[Trinity85]

If it's white collar financial fraud kinda crime....would it feel right to treat him the way he likely treated you?

Sometimes, the appropriate administration of justice trumps any possible guilt/shame/regret which can pop up when one refuses to comply with social training to "always be nice", IME.

What does your gut tell you to do?

These are good questions. No, it would never feel right to treat him the way he treats me - but holding him accountable for his behavior - that's different, I think. And it doesn't seem right to me that he is basically thumbing his nose at the societal structures that keep us all safe and functioning as one. It would be - as you phrased it - an appropriate administration of justice.

I think I struggle with deciding because there is a part of me that still believes he isn't fully in control of his behavior. He has control in a cognitive sense, but struggles with impulsivity and regulating himself. And - as is typical for pwASPD - he is his own worst enemy. So in that sense, I believe he is disabled/mentally ill. I've been in this so long that I realize that way of thinking of this a trap for someone like me, but it's also the truth of how I see him.

I also worry about the implications for his children and ex-wife. I don't believe they are fully aware of who he is - and I'm not sure they are fully aware that they have been unwittingly dragged into his schemes. His exwife is particularly vulnerable. I think there is a good chance that if I do nothing, the end result will be the same and justice will be served and consequences will result not only for him, but for them as well. I would just be speeding up the process. Is it better to rip the bandaide off now vs later? I don't know.

[BreatheDeep]

Sounds like a him problem to me. As in, his actions, his consequences. Nothing for you to see or do here, in my opinion.

In fact if I were you I'd be more inclined to use my time and energy to do something special for myself, like send myself some beautifully scented flowers with a note that says how much I appreciate myself (you could use whatever words feel healing to you). Or splurge on that fish platter I've been craving but haven't wanted to "waste" the money on.

I am so sorry for what you went through. Say you do turn him in. Then what? Will you give this person - who harmed you and stole your time, energy, and peace - even more of your life? as you watch and wait for justice to come?    Please don't. You deserve all the good things that life has to offer. Focus on that instead.