Let her fall

[Liketheducks]

Sounds like we have the same mother - just with different health issues.   Hang in there.    My mom and SIL were also trying to manipulate me into being the care giver.....even after being VLC/NC for several years.   I was supposed to drop everything as the girl child and race to the rescue from her self-imposed dramas.   I didn't and I don't.   It's been a bitter pill to swallow, and my VLC has turned into me going from golden child to family scapegoat - even when we're not in contact.   I occasionally hear from distant family members with embellished stories about my misdeeds.    Now, I can laugh at them.   I feel a little sorry for them.   

[Mathilda]

Sounds like we have the same mother - just with different health issues.   Hang in there.    My mom and SIL were also trying to manipulate me into being the care giver.....even after being VLC/NC for several years.   I was supposed to drop everything as the girl child and race to the rescue from her self-imposed dramas.   I didn't and I don't.   It's been a bitter pill to swallow, and my VLC has turned into me going from golden child to family scapegoat - even when we're not in contact.   I occasionally hear from distant family members with embellished stories about my misdeeds.    Now, I can laugh at them.   I feel a little sorry for them.   

Liketheducks, I was recently called by a case manager because my mother was diagnosed with dementia. My parents told her we are NC but they nevertheless gave my number and she called me. (I doubt that was professional btw.)

I was quite surprised when I heard mom has dementia. She had called me in March (she asked me to stop NC because of covid and I told her no, I wouldn't) and I had noticed nothing wrong with her memory or speaking abilities.

The case manager asked if I could give some information about my mother, i.e. what are her interests and what does she like? It seemed that moms cognitive abilities had severely been declined, otherwise she herself could have given that information to the case manager. The case manager even mentioned something about her having to move to a nursing home.

I explained why I had gone NC and I told her I suspect mom has a PD. That surprised her, but she seemed to have some understanding of PD.

I sent her an e-mail with lots of information about mother, also about the different ways in which she may present herself, either very self assured or just the opposite, completey helpless. I tried to make clear with not so many words that I think mother needs a psych evaluation before any GP jumps to any conclusions about dementia only based on the fact that she flunked some memory tests and a 10 minute conversation and the woman is 82, so yeah, it's probably dementia.
I didn't put it that way, but yes I think it is quite possible she is pretending dementia, or maybe she does have some memory problems but is milking them just to gain attention. It is something she would do.

I don't think the case manager understood.
Happily she thanked me for the information and said she would try her best to built a trust relationship with mom and she felt although I am NC I still care and want to be involved. Had to explain that NC means I do NOT want to be involved, unless there is something truly seriously wrong. Otherwise no!

Ugh ...