Reaching out but scared and sad

[Kissos23]

Hello. I am new here. First post. To summarize, I believe I have cptsd, avoidant personality disorder, freeze response and no self esteem. Mind you, this is MY opinion- not a therapist's. Still, it gives you an idea of what I'm like. I feel very alone with my son states away and my daughter with me but more broken than me. I do not want to impose myself on them. Otherwise I feel very alone. I haven't had a job in a couple of years because I fell apart after a divorce. The marriage was an awful 18 years and I just couldn't hold together once no one was yelling at me. I'm actually better now than I was but can't seem to move forward. Just looking for a friendly community where I don't have to put a "face" on.

[bloomie]

Hi Kissos23 - Welcome to Out of the FOG!

It sounds like you are dealing with a lot of issues and glad you found us. Since you have identified yourself as someone suffering from Complex Post Traumatic Disorder, or CPTSD, and possibly avoidant personality disorder, we want to make you aware of a couple things as you settle in.

At Out of the FOG, we often welcome members who are dealing with CPTSD as a consequence of having been in a relationship with someone who suffers from a personality disorder. We also recognize that CPTSD sufferers have a distinct and unique set of concerns and issues they are dealing with and we recognized the need for a separate forum. So, we helped launch Out of the Storm at http://C-PTSD.org  - a support site specifically designed for people who suffer from cPTSD - Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. We encourage you to check it out as a potential support community for issues specific to cPTSD.

Out of the FOG is a group developed to support the family members and loved-ones of individuals who suffer from a personality disorder. Many here suffer from cPTSD and trauma responses as a result of having someone in our life with a personality disorder. Please see the Disorders tab at the top of the forum for more information about what a personality disorder is, as discussed here in this forum.

Please review the Traits tab at the top of the forum as well as this link for cPTSD:
http://www.outofthefog.net/CommonNonBehaviors/CPTSD.html

You will notice there are Traits listed for cPTSD that overlap with personality disorder Traits but these are few. Generally a major difference between cPTSD and PD is self awareness and ability to self reflect.

Since you are self diagnosed it may be of great help to you to do a bit of reading about something we call fleas. Many of us who have endured trauma throughout our lives can develop unhealthy patterns of responding/behaviors. Examining whether your behaviors are from fleas, trauma, or a full blown personality disorder, could be important for you.

We also encourage you to be sure and check out these links:

CPTSD Description http://outofthefog.net/CommonNonBehaviors/CPTSD.html

The 51% Rule http://www.outofthefog.net/CommonNonBehaviors/51PercentRule.html

Tool Box http://www.outofthefog.net/CommonNonBehaviors/Toolbox.html

Boundaries http://www.outofthefog.net/CommonNonBehaviors/Boundaries.html

"Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving" by Pete Walker
http://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=26911.0

Thanks for joining us and again, welcome to Out of the FOG!