Feeling low after the holidays

[bee well]

Hi Hilltop,

Glad to hear you are feeling better and looking forward to doing you. I found some interesting stuff to listen to. One author that popped out was Dr. Peter Levine.  I am looking forward to learning more about what he has to say...I also got an adult coloring book. They say coloring is relaxing. I liked doing that as a kid so I thought why not try again.

I just thought I would pop in and say hi...have a good day all!

[Hilltop]

Thanks Bee Well I'll check it out. 

[Liketheducks]

Hilltop.....the holidays are SO emotionally loaded....I try to remember that they're just days.   There is nothing any more magical about a family member being crappy on a given Tuesday than on Boxing Day.     I've taken to trying to start new memories and traditions.   I love to cook and bake.  In my FOO there are "certain" ways that certain meals are made....with only the "right" ingredients.   In the "right" order.   Or, grandma....who passed 15 years ago wouldn't be happy.     It is small and petty.....but, I've started taking those meals and made them my own.   You did Turkey on Christmas Day?   I'm doing an amazing ham or duck.....or just something to make it mine.   My NPD mom used to make the same traditional meal...12 courses.....martyr city.   Everyone had to eat it in a certain way, or risk bad luck for the coming year.   Talk about control freak.   Turns out, aside from ONE dish....the whole family hated it, but didn't feel like they could refuse.   So now I make that one dish my way.   If mom wants to come, great (but I will be making it my way) ....if not....her loss.     Now, as we're all healing, we are so much happier and so much more at peace within the families we've made....rather than going back to the old family traditions.   
The way I see this.....we have so much generational trauma in my family....I'm going to capture the traditions that bring warmth and happiness within the family I've created as the priority.   The rest I can pick and choose from as it best fits for me.   
Oh....and I have to totally add.....we had a great holiday!   It was so much better and less stressful than I imagined taking this approach.   Did I totally have a meltdown the first week of the new year.....yep.   It was like an emotional hangover.   I felt awful for a few days, until I could wrap my head around looking forward to things in the new year.    Hang in there.   You're not alone.

[Gointothelight]

I never responded anymore. I am 'Intothelight', but I got a new laptop, lost my password and found out the password resetting is not working for this forum. Decided to create a new account. Just know, I know where you are coming from. Good for you you chose yourself.

I decided not to visit family this Christmas and we had a nice holiday in the sun! That made me feel great. On New Years day we did come together and my mother made one snarky remark, but I ignored her and we had a sort of nice evening. Fine. I'll play along on those occacions, but it made me feel empowered I can do whatever the *blieb* I want during the holidays.

Working hard to take better care of myself and not be abused anymore by family or others.